I Wanna Be The One
by ElysiumPhoenix
Summary: Hermione overhears Dumbledore telling Snape he has to kill him. What will Hermione do when she learns of another side to her intimidating Potions Professor?
1. I Wanna Be The One

_Author Note – Deviates from canon between 5__th__-6__th__ year_

_Back Story – after telling Dumbledore of her plans Hermione decides to obliviate parents during summer, Dumbledore allows her to stay at Hogwarts so she can come to terms with it without the Wealseys (Molly) crowding her._

* * *

**I Wanna Be The One**

**For all the steps you'll take**

**And all you'll overcome**

**I wanna be the one to put it in a song**

**Take every single tear**

**For all the world to hear**

**I wanna be the one to put it in a song**

* * *

Hermione sat in the library and looked over yet another book on memory charms. She knew she'd done the right thing Obliviating her parents and sending them away. It was best to do it now before things got too bad and she couldn't do it anymore. Professor Dumbledore had tried to convince her otherwise but Hermione couldn't risk her parents' lives. Voldemort was still lying low but that wouldn't last much longer.

Hermione sighed and put the book away. It didn't have anything new. She was just covering her bases. After sending her parents away Hermione had moved into Hogwarts after the Dumbledore offered her the chance for peace and quiet. Hermione was just grateful for the chance to avoid her friends and their pitying looks, not to mention avoiding Mrs Weasley's mothering – there was no way she could handle that at the moment.

The only useful thing Hermione had found in the library, in her two weeks of being here, was a charm that protected her against memory charms. It would prevent anyone from obliviating her and maybe making her forget where she'd sent her parents. The charm had to be reapplied once a month but that was a hassle Hermione was more than willing to put up with.

Giving up on the library for once Hermione realised it was nearly lunch time. Hesitating for only a moment she decided to go see the Headmaster. Dumbledore had extended an open invitation to have lunch with him any time she wished to. So far Hermione had held back from doing so, but today she could do with the unique brand of humour the old man would offer her. It would take her mind off her parents at least temporarily.

After a few minutes Hermione arrived at the gargoyle that guarded the Headmaster's office. The statue stepped aside without waiting for a password and Hermione figured Dumbledore had told it to do that. Reaching the top of the stairs Hermione stopped when she heard voices inside. Not wanting to intrude Hermione went to leave but then she heard something that made her stop and listen.

'It carries a curse, surely you realised that. Why even touch it?' That was Professor Snape…he sounded both worried and angry.

'I…was a fool. Sorely tempted…' That was Dumbledore…but he didn't sound good, it was almost like he was struggling to talk.

Hermione leaned closer to hear better.

'Tempted by what?' The Headmaster didn't answer Professor Snape's curious question. 'It is a miracle you managed to return here!' Snape sounded livid. 'That ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for. I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being…'

There was a moment of silence and Hermione wondered what kind of curse Dumbledore had triggered.

'You've done well Severus,' Dumbledore's voice seemed a lot stronger. 'How long do you think I have?'

Hermione held her breath. This couldn't be happening. Dumbledore couldn't be dying!

'I cannot tell, maybe a year. There is no halting such a spell forever. It will spread eventually. It is the sort of curse that strengthens over time.'

Hermione lost track of the conversation as she tried to hold back her panic. Dumbledore would be dead within the year! That couldn't be happening, they needed him! The whole wizarding world needed him.

' – Malfoy boy murder me.'

Hermione quickly focused back on the conversation. Malfoy was going to what?

'The Dark Lord does not expect Draco to succeed. This is merely a punishment for Lucius' recent failures. Slow torture for Draco's parents as they watch him fail and pay the price.'

It sounded as though Snape was scowling, but Hermione didn't blame him. She knew Voldemort was cruel but this…she never thought she'd feel sorry for the Malfoys.

'In short the boy has had a death sentence pronounced upon him as surely as I have. Now I should have thought the natural successor to the job, once Draco fails, is yourself?'

'That I think is the Dark Lord's plan.' Snape sounded as though this had been pulled from him most reluctantly.

Hermione put her hands over her mouth. Any moment she would wake up in the Gryffindor tower and find that the day hadn't started yet. This was a nightmare, it had to be.

'Lord Voldemort foresees a moment in the near future when he will not need a spy at Hogwarts?'

'He believes the school will soon be in his grasp, yes.'

'And if it does fall into his grasp, I have your word that you will do all in your power to protect the students of Hogwarts?'

Shouldn't the Headmaster be sharing this with the whole Order, not just Snape?

'Good.' Dumbledore said happily.

Snape must have nodded then. Hermione felt her heart ache at the burdens the Potions teacher had upon him. She didn't think she could have played his roll for as long as he had. How could Dumbledore place even more on him?

' – only one thing to be done if we are to save him from Lord Voldemort's wrath.'

Hermione realised she had missed some of the conversation again. They were back to Draco.

'Are you intending to let him kill you?' Snape said with a sardonic edge to his voice.

Dumbledore actually chuckled slightly. 'Certainly not. You must kill me.'

Hermione gasped forgetting that she was eavesdropping.

Suddenly the office door was thrown open and a furious Snape was staring down at her. Behind him, Dumbledore was stood behind his desk.

'Granger, what do you think you are doing?'

Hermione knew this wasn't the time to state the obvious and kept quiet.

'Let her in Severus.'

Hermione cringed as Snape opened the door further to let her past. She crept by the dark haired tower of fury and went to stand in front of the Headmaster. Hermione didn't look up from her feet.

'Hermione…how much did you overhear?'

Hermione gulped at the calm tone. 'A-all of it Sir.'

'Interfering know it all, we'll have to wipe her memory.' Even without looking Hermione could tell he was scowling down at her.

'I'm afraid Professor Snape is right, it is too dangerous for yourself if you know this information.'

Hermione mustered her courage and spoke up. 'But Sir you can't – '

'Miss Granger, you have no say in the matter. Keep quiet.' Snape said with a snarl.

Hermione looked up for the first time. There was no need for him to talk to her like that! 'What I meant _Sir_ is that you actually _can't_ obliviate my memories.'

'What do you mean Hermione?' Dumbledore asked her quietly.

Hermione looked away from the irate beside her. 'I found a charm in the library that protects against memory charms. It's semi-permanent Headmaster, and I only cast it yesterday. It won't wear off for a month.'

Dumbledore frowned and Snape started pacing.

'Stupid Gryffindor, why on earth would you do that?'

Hermione, for the first time, ignored her teacher and focused and Dumbledore. 'I did it to protect the information about my parents Sir.'

Hermione saw understanding fill the sparkling blue eyes in front of her. 'Ah, of course.' Dumbledore sat down again.

'Of course? _Of course!_' Snape said as he spun back towards the table. 'The idiot girl could ruin everything Dumbledore.'

Hermione flinched away from Snape slightly. Perhaps after all these years he had soaked up the volatile nature of some of his potions?

The Headmaster didn't say anything, he just looked between the two of them. Then his templed his fingers together and Hermione had to fight down the urge to vomit when she saw his hand. It looked _dead_.

'We will just have to change our plans slightly.'

'Our plans,' Snape scoffed quietly and turned back towards the window. 'You mean your plans Dumbledore. While you change things around do you want time to compose an epitaph or should I just kill you now?'

Hermione gasped again. Although Snape's tone was mocking, Hermione thought she could hear and bitter undertone. How could Dumbledore ask him to do that? Hermione felt her eyes harden when she looked back at the Headmaster who was watching her curiously.

After everyone Snape must have already done, everything he'd given up and overcome, Dumbledore still asked more of him? It wasn't right.

Hermione saw a slight smile appear on the Headmaster's face as he looked into her eyes. What the hell did he have to be happy about? He was dying and wanted his most loyal supporter to kill him!

'I think that Hermione has presented us with an opportunity. Take a seat please.' Hermione sat down and beside her Snape flung himself into the other seat. 'Now Hermione before we continue I want your word that will not mention any of this to a single person. Nor anything else we discuss.'

Hermione hesitated, if Harry and Ron found out she kept this from them…but it seemed as though Dumbledore wanted to include her in something. Surely that was more important?

'Yes Sir, I give you my word.'

'A likely story,' Snape muttered.

Hermione snapped. 'Oh so it's alright when give your word to do something impossible – to kill him. But when I agree to just keep a secret it's not enough? Talk about being a hypocrite.' Hermione faced forward again and crossed her arms.

'Severus, I am willing to accept Hermione's word on this.' Hermione looked up in surprise. 'I believe she is more mature than her peers in many ways. Besides it may do you some good to have someone other than myself to discuss these things with…after I'm gone.'

Hermione, still slightly angry at Snape's dismissal of her promise, snorted. 'You mean after he'd forced to kill you and quite possibly turn everyone against him.' Hermione slouched in her chair. 'And I thought you were the good guy.'

From the corner of her eye Hermione saw Snape stare at her in shock. Dumbledore just looked amused.

'Why do you say that Hermione?' He asked with a gleam in his eyes.

Hermione wished she'd kept her mouth shut now, but she wasn't in Gryffindor for nothing. 'Well it's just that Professor Snape had already given up so much and now you're asking him to kill the only person that has always believed in him. Even the other Order members don't trust him completely. It's not fair.' Hermione paused and kept her gaze on the floor. 'Well I suppose I trust him, I mean I've always been the one that had to try and talk Harry and Ron out of their suspicions.'

Snape looked as though a train could run over him and he wouldn't notice. He was just staring at her in shock. Hermione quickly looked away from him and towards the other man. She thought there was a hint of satisfaction in his eyes as though he approved of what she had said.

Dumbledore sat back in his chair and looked though his desk drawers and then held out a packet to her. 'Sherbet Lemon Hermione?' Hermione just shook her head. 'Well, I think I've found a way to incorporate Hermione into our – my plans. From now on I think you should also tell her everything you would tell me.' Dumbledore smiled at her. Perhaps you can offer a new perspective on things. I also want you to give Hermione Occlumency lessons.'

Snape went from staring at her in shock to glaring at Dumbledore in rage. 'You want to _include_ her? In everything?'

Despite being pleased at the Headmaster's declaration, Hermione actually thought the same as Professor Snape. 'Sir, Professor Snape has a point, how can I other perspective when I don't know the details of the war so far…and the first war for that matter, not to mention Professor Snape's own role…' Hermione could feel her mind start to race the it usually did when she was gripped with an new idea or project. 'Plus if I'm disappearing ever so often I'll need some excuse to tell others, I can't exactly say 'Oh I'm off to learn Occlumency and get updated on Voldemort's inner workings…I need to write this all down…' the last was more to herself than the two men.

Dumbledore chuckled. 'I can see your enthusiasm already. To address your concerns – I think while the castle is relatively empty Severus can update on this war and give you more details on the first. Your cover…can be an independent potions project, no one will question your extra studying. As for Severus' role…the Professor will tell you exactly why he came to be a spy – '

'_I'll do no such bloody thing Albus!_' Snape stood up and roared at Dumbledore making Hermione jump in fright.

Dumbledore ignored the outburst and popped another sweet in his mouth. 'It is necessary for her to understand your position better Severus, you _will_ tell her. She has already given her word to not repeat anything.'

Hermione glanced at Snape's furious expression. 'Er…Headmaster maybe we should just…'

'No Hermione. Professor Snape will explain everything.' Dumbledore didn't look at her as he said this. Instead he looked at Snape with a steely edge to his voice.

Snape seemed to realise Dumbledore wouldn't take no for an answer and strode to the door. 'Come to my office immediately after lunch Miss Granger.' The incensed man disappeared.

Hermione looked back at the Headmaster who was watching her again. 'Sir I don't want to add to Professor Snape's…er stress, perhaps…'

Dumbledore shook his head. 'No Hermione. You were right that it isn't fair for me to ask him to do as I have. It is necessary though and he will need someone to help him afterwards.'

Hermione nodded and looked at the floor again. She should _really_ have just left and not eavesdropped.

'Now I take it from the timing that you finally accepted my invitation for lunch?'

Hermione nodded again. 'Yes Sir,' she glanced at his hand, 'but if your not – '

'Nonsense, now let's call for an elf and eat shall we?'

* * *

Over the next week Hermione spent most of her time ensconced in Snape's office, getting more information on both wars than had ever expected. It seemed despite Snape's objections he was still going to do his job well.

Snape had been the one to bring up his own personal involvement in the wars. He had handed her a phial filled with something.

'These are memories…my memories. Take them to the Headmaster and he will let you use his pensive. After you have viewed them return them to me and _do not_ discuss. The subject will _not_ be brought up again. Do you understand?'

Hermione had silently agreed and done as he had said. After she returned the memories to him Snape had dismissed her for the day. Hermione had retreated to the Gryffindor common room and sat in shock for some time.

Snape had been friends with Harry's Mum! It made a lot more sense now why Snape protected Harry despite him looking so much like James Potter. For one brief second Hermione wished she could reveal this to Harry, but she had sworn not to.

After everything he had suffered and been made to do Snape was still enough of a good man to risk his life for people who didn't even like him. All the steps he'd taken to preserve his status within the Death Eaters had done nothing but make him alone and miserable and yet he continued doing it even though it he had gained nothing but hatred and mistrust from the world.

Hermione sat through the night contemplating the man that was Severus Snape.

* * *

Hermione knew that Harry was now at the Weasleys' house but she knew that the Order had been told of what she had done to her parents and Hermione was reluctant to give up the peace and quiet of the castle for Mrs Weasley's mothering. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate how much the woman cared for her but…Hermione was worried that she would break down at the first thing Mrs Weasley did that reminded Hermione of her own Mum.

However there was now just one week left until the new school year began. Ginny had written to her a few times asking her to come and save her from Fleur, who was now engaged to Bill and staying at the Burrow. Harry had written saying he missed her and wanted to see her before term started. Mrs Weasley wrote short notes every other day saying she would love to have Hermione visit.

Last week Professor Dumbledore had given her a letter with her OWL results, ten outstanding's and an Exceeds Expectations in Defence. Hermione had been pleased but had spent a few in her bed crying and wishing her parents could have been there to share her success.

Today Hermione had finally relented and was going to the Burrow. Tomorrow they would all be going to Diagon Alley together and Hermione would be spending the last week at the Burrow. She was only going to take some clothes and a few books. There wasn't much point in taking everything with only to bring it back again next week.

Hermione stuffed her clothes, books and money bag into her suitcase and headed towards Professor McGonagall's office. She would be using the floo to get to the Burrow. Ten minutes later she was being squeezed to death by Ron's Mum.

'Oh, my dear, how are you doing? Oh you poor thing I can't imagine how you're feeling right now.'

Hermione refrained from saying she was feeling squashed and pulled out of the tight embrace. 'Thank you Mrs Weasley, I'm fine.'

There were thundering steps on the stairs and Hermione turned and was immediately embraced by her two best friends. 'Hey guys, good to see you.'

Ron and Harry both started talking at the same time about a variety of things. Hermione had expected Harry to be more withdrawn after Sirius' death but perhaps being at the Burrow had helped.

Ginny appeared and shoved the boys out the way. 'Alright guys let her breath, c'mon Hermione let's put your stuff in my room.'

Hermione gratefully followed the younger girl up the stairs and into the small room that had a camp bed in it.

Ginny shut the door as Hermione dropped onto the bed and sat looked around. Nothing had changed since the first time she had stayed in here. Pushing her suitcase under the bed Hermione felt the mattress dip slightly and turned to see Ginny sitting beside her, watching her.

'Are you okay?' Ginny asked kindly.

Hermione felt tears start to prick her eyes and shook her head. 'No, not really.' Hermione burst into tears and felt Ginny's arms go around her. As Hermione sobbed she couldn't help but think that it wasn't fair how much people lost in a war that was been fought over nothing more than bigotry.


	2. Be Calm

_Author Note - I edited a paragraph when it was pointed out that it was a little confusing as to which Professor was being talked about. Thanks for the help as I didn't notice until I re-read it._

* * *

**Be Calm**

**I'm scared that everyone is out to get me**

'**These days before you speak to me you pause.'**

'**I always see you looking out your window.'**

**Oh be calm.**

**Be calm**

**I know you feel like you are breaking down**

**I know that it gets so hard sometimes**

**Be calm**

**Take it from me I've been there a thousand times**

**You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive**

**And everything's wrong**

**It just gets so hard sometimes**

**Be calm**

* * *

The last week of the holidays passed quietly – aside from Harry's new theory on Malfoy being a Death Eater. Hermione knew he was right, but tried to convince him otherwise. The last thing they needed was for Harry to start a new 'he's evil' campaign. At least it wasn't Snape this time.

Although Hermione was not pleased with Harry wishing for another death at the sorting feast. At least Ron had just said Snape might go back to potions. Now that she knew pretty much everything about Snape's role it was much harder to ignore Harry, and to a lesser degree Ron's, hatred of the man. It was also easier to defend him though now that she knew without a doubt that he was on their side.

* * *

The next morning after Professor McGonagall had sorted their timetables. She turned back to Hermione.

'Professor asked me to tell you that your private lessons will start tonight at six o'clock.' Professor McGonagall's nostrils flared in anger. She had not been pleased when Dumbledore had informed her of Hermione's new role in the war. Her head of house did not know exactly what she was doing but knew that it entailed these private lessons with Snape.

Hermione nodded at her Professor. 'Thank you Professor McGonagall, I'll remember.' When the teacher walked off Harry and Ron gaped at her. 'What?'

Ron looked astounded, although it wasn't a new expression for him. 'What are you having lessons with Snape for?'

'Professor Snape Ronald, and I'm doing an independent potions project.' Hermione grabbed some toast to eat on the way to Ancient Runes.

Harry scowled. 'But Slughorn is the potions teacher now – shouldn't he be helping you?'

Hermione was pleased they weren't questioning her doing extra work. 'Professor Slughorn. And it was set up with Professor Snape weeks ago.'

'But – '

Hermione grabbed her bag and toast. 'I'll see you later.' She made a prompt exit wondered if she would be starting Occlumency lessons tonight. So far she had only been reading up on the subject. Despite what Harry had told them about his disastrous lessons last year Hermione was quite looking forward to tonight.

* * *

The day passed quickly them getting a lot of homework. Hermione was surprised when Snape gave her five points in Defence for silently stopping Neville's Jelly Leg Jinx. Ron and Harry had muttered about how any other teacher would have given her twenty but Hermione was pleased he had even acknowledged it.

Later in potions Hermione shared a table with Harry, Ron and Ernie from Hufflepuff. They were near a small golden cauldron filled with what Hermione recognised as Amortentia.

After Slughorn had given Harry and Ron some equipment he started lecturing.

'Now then, I've prepared a few potions for you to have a look at, just out of interest, you know. These are the sorts of things you ought to be able to make after completing your NEWTs. You ought to have heard of 'em, even if you haven't made 'em yet. Anyone tell me what this one is?'

Hermione looked at the cauldron and immediately put her hand up. She waited until Slughorn pointed at her. 'It's Veritaserum, a colourless, odourless potion that forces the drinker to tell the truth.' Hermione knew she sounded like a textbook, but she also knew she was correct.

'Very good, very good!' Now – ' Slughorn pointed at the potion near the Ravenclaws, ' – this one here is pretty well-known…featured in a few Ministry leaflets lately too…who can - ?'

Hermione put her hand up when she saw the bubbling mud. 'It's Polyjuice potion Sir.'

'Excellent, excellent! Now this one here…yes my dear?'

Hermione once again put her hand up. 'It's Amortentia.'

Slughorn was starting to look very impressed. 'It is indeed. It seems almost foolish to ask, but I assume you know what it does?'

'It's the most powerful love potion in the world. It is characterised by the mother-of-pearl sheen and the steam rising in spirals. It smells different to each person according to what attracts us. I can smell freshly mown grass, new parchment and…' Hermione broke off with a frown. She couldn't tell what the last scent was. Hermione thought she'd smelled it somewhere at Hogwarts but wasn't sure where.

' – ask your name my dear?'

Hermione realised Slughorn was talking to her. 'Oh, Hermione Granger sir.'

'Granger? Granger? Can you possibly be related to Hector Dagworth-Granger, who founded the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers?'

Of course he thought she was pure- or half-blood. 'No sir, I'm muggleborn.'

Hermione saw Malfoy muttering something to Nott but ignored them, no doubt he was using the same insults she'd heard a thousand times before.

Slughorn however was looking at Harry. 'Oho! _'One of my best friends is muggle-born and she's the best in our year!'_ I'm this is the very friend of whom you spoke Harry?'

Harry nodded. 'Yes sir.'

'Well, well, take twenty well-earned points for Gryffindor, Miss Granger.'

Hermione gave Harry a wry look and whispered to him. 'Thanks Harry, now I'm on his radar too.' Hermione wasn't overly bothered, but with the things she'd be doing with Snape, the last thing she needed was more attention.

At the end of the lesson Hermione had earned another ten points and was a little disappointed to not have gotten the Felix Felicis but couldn't be bothered mustering up any ire at Harry. She made a few comments about following instructions but gave up when Ron said it could have easily led to a catastrophe.

* * *

After dinner Hermione sat in the common room and worked on some homework until it was time to go meet Snape. She ignored the remarks from Harry and Ron about being careful and made her way towards the dungeons. Hermione wondered why Snape still used these offices when, usually, teachers would have their office near their classroom. She supposed his private quarters would be down here so maybe that was why.

Knocking, Hermione waited until she heard Snape tell her to before entering.

'Miss Granger, take a seat.' Snape looked as though he was finishing marking work or something. He gestured at two seats that were in the middle of the floor.

Hermione sat in one and put her bag on the floor. After a few minutes of silence Snape came over and sat opposite her.

'I don't know how much Potter told you about Occlumency, what do you know?'

'I found a few books in the library sir and read them, they had a couple of differences but other than they all said the same. Occlumency is the magical art of defending your mind against intrusion, usually Legilimency.'

Snape eyed her slightly. 'For once Miss Granger you have not spouted the books verbatim but managed to summarise them…adequately.'

'Thank you sir.' Hermione said quietly. Coming from Snape that was high praise indeed.

'I suppose it's pointless to ask, but have you attempted any of the exercises?'

'Yes sir, I've been clearing my mind each night and sometimes in the mornings before doing anything else. I've think it's similar to the meditation techniques some muggles use, without the magical aspect of course.'

'Of course. Well then Miss Granger prepare yourself.' Snape took out his wand and Hermione did the same. '_Legilimens_.'

Hermione felt a rush in her mind and flashed of her life started showing. Sat at the dinner table with Harry and Ron, then she was in her bedroom at her parents' house. Hermione saw the memory progress and realised it was her memory of wiping their memories.

_No._ Hermione thought desperately. She felt herself start to panic at the thought of seeing that again and tried to clear her mind but couldn't push down her emotions enough. Hermione flicked her wand and the presence in her mind faded.

Hermione blinked a few times and saw that Snape's sleeves seemed wet. She must have cast _Aguamenti_.

'Did you deliberately use the _Auguamenti_ charm Miss Granger?' Snape asked as he dried his sleeves.

'No sir, I made the conscious decision to try and distract you but I didn't consciously choose that charm.'

Snape nodded briefly. 'Well it was a better effort than Potter at any rate. That memory…what was it?'

Hermione felt her face go blank. 'That's none of your business, sir.'

Snape smirked and Hermione felt a twist of unease. That expression was never good, especially on Snape's face.

'_Legilimens.'_

Snape was back in her mind and Hermione saw more flashes, but these were all of her parents. Hermione realised he was searching for the same memory again. She felt a burst of anger but forced it down and tried to clear her mind. It was harder than she had thought, the flashes of her parents kept making her emotions rise again. The flashes slowed though and Hermione realised she had more awareness of the room she was in.

'_Relashio!'_

Snape was forced back in his chair but Hermione barely noticed. She slumped forward and rested her elbows on her knees and her head on her hands. That was exhausting.

'I have no idea how you can manage that when Voldemort does it sir.'

Snape didn't respond to that. 'That was good for a second attempt Miss Granger. Your releasing jinx did not do much but at least it was a conscious effort.'

Hermione didn't look up but nodded. 'Thank you sir.'

'I think we should leave it here for tonight Miss Granger. Take this and sit still until you've eaten it.'

Hermione lifted her head and saw that Snape was holding out a small bar of chocolate. Hermione's brow lifted in surprise but she took it from him. 'Thank you.' Hermione unwrapped it and nibbled it.

'Snape stood up and went back to his desk. 'It will not have as much of an effect since your exhaustion is mental not physical, but it will take the edge off.'

Hermione just nodded and kept nibbling. She was rather pleased with her first tries. Though she hadn't expected to be so tired. Hermione didn't think Snape looked tired though. Harry had said he did after his lessons. Perhaps that was because he was dealing Harry. Hermione gave a quiet laugh that she quickly stifled.

'Something amusing you Miss Granger?'

Hermione looked over and saw that the dark haired man was eyeing her curiously.

'Sorry sir. It's just you don't seem as tired as Harry said you were before. I was thinking it might have something to do with not having to deal with Harry.'

To Hermione's utter astonishment Snape gave a dry laugh but quickly stopped. 'When he had smoothed his face out he spoke again. 'Perhaps you're onto something Miss Granger. Shall we meet again on Wednesday night at the same time?'

Hermione was surprised at the way he posed it as a question. 'Er…if that's convenient for you sir.'

'Wednesday night then, good night Miss Granger.'

'Good night sir.'

* * *

The term slowly passed into October and, as Hermione had predicted their 'free' periods were spent doing mountains of homework. Their classes had also become much more challenging, in a couple of classes even Hermione had needed to ask for a second explanation of some things. Though Hermione was miffed that Harry was now doing better than her in Potions but she couldn't be bothered mustering much in the way of disapproval of the Potions book he was using. Professor Snape had called her for five more lessons. She had only done Occlumency lessons once though, the others lessons had been about information. The Professor had given her a box to keep notes she made inside. The box was enchanted to go unnoticed and could only be opened by her, Snape or the Headmaster. Now that she could keep them secure Hermione had made more notes than she knew what to do with…almost. She had written _everything_ Snape told her in lessons. In a separate bundle Hermione had notes of her own impressions of the information after all that was what Dumbledore wanted her to do.

The details that she was learning fascinated Hermione and she found herself spending as much time writing for her private lessons as she did for her normal classes. It was already exhausting but captivating at the same time. An unexpected thing though was how much her respect for the dark Potions Master had grown. Snape had covered _everything_, even his meeting with Voldemort. Hermione suspected he skimmed over the more…gruesome aspects of the meetings which she was grateful for. The things he told her already disturbed her sleep sometimes, Hermione hated to think what Snape's sleep must be like.

On a happier note Hermione was pleased that she'd helped Ron get onto the Quidditch team. She had seen how miffed he'd been about Slughorn all but ignoring him and figured he'd be less likely to complain if he had Quidditch. She still didn't see the appeal of it though. Hermione was less pleased when Harry had took to putting Quidditch practice on the nights of Slughorn's meetings Hermione had sat through two of Professor Slughorn's with him going on and on about who he knew before she had asked Professor Snape if they could move their private meetings to a different night so she could avoid them as well.

Hermione was positive she'd seen Snape smother an amused smile before he asked her why she didn't just tell Slughorn she didn't want to attend. Hermione had told him that she didn't want to upset Slughorn but she _really_ didn't like the posturing and would prefer to be more productive. Snape had accepted her reasons and said that as long as he did not have other tasks he would be willing to put the lessons on the same nights. Hermione had forced herself to refrain from hugging Snape in gratitude.

Something had changed in their meetings after that, Hermione wondered if Snape was…not grateful exactly but if he was more welcoming because she _wanted_ to spend time with him rather than be at Slughorn's parties. And she did want to spend time with him. Hermione found she enjoyed the Professor's acerbic sense of humour…yes Snape had a sense of humour. He didn't tell jokes but the comments he made during his talks of the war were definitely funny. As they meeting progressed Hermione found herself looking forward to the next one, it made her wonder what things would have been like if she hadn't been at Hogwarts to overhear that conversation.

One thing Hermione did find frustrating was her lack of progress in Occlumency. After the first lesson Snape had taken to switching what memories he went looking for. Once she had barely been through the door before he pushed his way into her mind. The surprise had left her all but defenceless against his intrusion. Snape had immediately dug into her memories and found one a the kiss she had shared with Viktor Krum. The shock and embarrassment had been the only thing that had given her enough focus to cast a stinging hex and repel him. Hermione had been seriously pissed off but managed to refrain from trying to hex Snape again. He'd had a smug look on his face for the rest of the lesson. After that Hermione had spent the walk to the dungeons clearing her mind and one time it had paid off. Snape had used his Legilimens on her as she came in the door Snape had suggested using some kind of image as a barrier and Hermione had decided on the sky at night. She had pictured her mind as the sky and her memories as the stars. To her it meant that no matter how far someone went into her mind they would never be able to reach the stars. So when Snape had jumped her this second time he had found her sky. Hermione had not been able to hold the image for long but Snape had withdrawn when it fell and actually _complimented_ her. He had seemed impressed with how clear the image was despite her not holding it for more than a few seconds after he attacked. Since then though Hermione had only been able to extend her holding time by a few more seconds. She was frustrated with the progress but Snape didn't seem overly concerned, he simply said that she would get it eventually.

* * *

When the first Hogsmeade weekend approached Hermione was sat at the table reading a charms book when Harry and Ron arrived they both looked highly amused with something and were all too eager to share with her.

Far from being amused like they expected Hermione was angry with Harry. 'How could you be so stupid as to use a spell when you didn't know what it would do?!'

Harry's smile slipped slightly. 'Oh come on Hermione it's not like anything _bad_ happened. Ron just got a wakeup call.'

Hermione glared at Ron who had chuckled. 'It's _not_ funny! _Levi_ means lift, you could have smashed Ron into the ceiling! He could be in the hospital wing right now with a broken back!' Hermione knew she was laying it on a bit thick but the spell could have been anything and Harry just decided to try it.

Ron looked a little green at her description. 'Well…I'm alright so…'

'So that makes it better?' Hermione huffed and turned back to her book. Boys, honestly.

Harry frowned at her. 'Come on Hermione, it's a harmless spell, it can't do any damage.'

Hermione closed her book and looked at Harry calmly, which seemed to unnerve him for some reason. 'So it's harmless? Because I seem to remember people dangling helplessly in the exact same way, unable to do anything way up in the air and the people using the spell thought it was funny too.'

Hermione saw a light flick on in Harry's eyes when he realised what she was talking about. 'But they were abusing it Hermione, I would never use it to hurt someone…well maybe Malfoy.'

Hermione just sneered. 'Yes because it's such a vast difference.'

She stood up and headed towards the door. She heard Harry and Ron follow behind her whispering quietly, but she still heard their comments.

'_I swear she looked just like that greasy git when she looked at you like that mate.'_

'_I know, it was creepy. She's spending _way_ too much time with him.'_

Hermione found that she didn't mind the comparison so much. After all Snape brilliant at many things if some of that ability rubbed off on her well that was a good thing in her eyes.

* * *

Later Hermione was walking back to Hogwarts with Harry and Ron. Harry was still miffed over Mundungus' stealing but had calmed down. Hermione had made a mental note to send a message to Snape asking him for a lesson on Monday. Slughorn had been most disappointed when neither Harry or Hermione could come to the next meeting. Hermione had expected Ron to be annoyed at Slughorn ignoring him again but instead he'd found it funny that they were both relieved to have dodged another meeting.

The quiet walk back to the castle was only broken when they got closer to Leanne and Katie who were walking in front of them.

'It's nothing to do with you Leanne!'

Katie and Leanne seemed to be arguing over something Katie was holding. Suddenly Leanne made a grab for it and Katie stepped back.

However instead of reaching for the package as Hermione expected Katie flew up into the air. She was raised by an unseen force about fifteen feet in the air. As Hermione and the boys rushed closer Katie's eyes snapped open and she let out a terrible scream.

Leanne screamed and tried to pull her down and as Hermione moved forward to help Katie suddenly dropped downwards. Harry and Ron managed to catch her, but she was writhing so much they couldn't hold her. Katie fell to the ground screaming and twisting.

Harry started to run and shouted back at them. 'Stay there, I'll get help.'

As he disappeared round the bend in the road Hermione moved over to Leanne who was on her knees crying beside Katie. Unable to do anything Hermione held the crying girl and watched Katie hoping that the curse would stop.

After about a minute Hagrid and Harry appeared at a run. Hagrid immediately picked Katy up and ran back towards Hogwarts. Hermione let go of Leanne and went over to the package on the ground.

'Don't touch it!' Harry said quickly.

Hermione snorted. 'Honestly Harry, I wasn't going to touch it.' Hermione cast a silent levitating charm on the package and looked closer it looked a bit like a necklace. 'The Professors will need this.' Hermione kept her spell on the package and floated it beside her as she helped Leanne who was still crying to her feet. 'Come on, the Professors will need to hear what happened.' Hermione ignored Harry who was questioning Leanne and kept trying to pin it on Malfoy.

When they reached Hogwarts Professor McGonagall was rushing towards them.

'Hagrid said you four saw what happened to Katie, I'll need you to come to my office. What is that Miss Granger?'

Hermione let go of Leanne and stepped closer to her teacher. 'It's the package Katie touched. I floated it so there was no risk of us touching it.'

'Good thinking Miss Granger.' Just then they got back into the Entrance Hall and Filch hurried over with his probe. 'No, Filch they're with me.' McGonagall turned back to Hermione. 'Professor Snape is in the hospital wing, take the necklace upto him.'

Hermione nodded and immediately started rushing in the right direction. There were people in the corridors so Hermione floated the package higher so nobody would bump into it. As she got closer to the hospital wing Hermione had expected to hear screams but there weren't any. Breaking into a run Hermione barged into the hospital wing as soon as she did screams reverberated around her. There must be a silencing charm around the hospital wing. Hermione saw Madam Pomfrey and Snape at the end of the room working over Katie.

'Professor!' Hermione rushed over as Snape looked up. 'This is what Katie touched, it's not open much so she can't have touched in with very much skin.'

Snape nodded and immediately used his own magic to unwrap and reveal a necklace. Hermione backed off and watched as he worked. Ten minutes later Leanne had arrived and been given a dose of dreamless sleep. Snape finally put the necklace down and turned back to Katie. Hermione waited and suddenly Katie stopped screaming. The silence was deafening, but Katie was still writhing though not as much.

Snape looked up and saw that she was still there. 'Miss Granger you should return to your common room.'

Hermione nodded and left glancing behind her took look at the curse stricken girl writhing on the bed. Hermione slowly made her way back to the Gryffindor Tower. She had been so caught up in everything Snape had been teaching her and telling her, she had forgotten what it was all about. Suddenly the war seemed very real and her own role in it seemed much more formidable.

* * *

Hermione sat in the corner of the common room staring at the book in her lap but not reading it. When Hermione had returned earlier Harry and Ron were already back and Harry wasted no time in telling her what he'd said to McGonagall. Hermione knew he was most likely correct but made a token effort to dissuade him. All she could think of though was Katie writhing on the ground. How could Harry not see past this obsession with Malfoy, granted in wasn't unfounded, but how could he not see the bigger picture?

Hermione looked up and noticed it was almost eleven o'clock. Harry and Ron were sat playing chess and there were a few other older years doing homework. Hermione realised that the common room had all but emptied. Unable to take the quiet any longer Hermione strode towards the portrait hole.

'Hey! Where are you going?' Ron yelled at her. 'It's past curfew.'

'I need to walk. I'll be back soon.' Hermione left the tower and just let her feet lead her. As she walked Hermione went over _everything_ Snape had told her since that day in Dumbledore's office. Every scrap of data she'd learned in the past two months was turned over in her mind. She needed to get serious and start doing her job. There had to be some way, some_thing_ that could be of help. Something she could –

Hermione broke off mid thought as she realised where she was. Outside Snape's office. Biting her lip Hermione hesitated before knocking.

She heard footsteps approach and the door was thrown open. Snape looked surprised for a moment but quickly glared at her. 'Miss Granger what do you think you are doing out past curfew?' Ten points from Gryffindor.'

Hermione nodded absently and walked past him into his office, not really hearing him when he started almost yelling at her. She cut across his tirade.

'I only just realised what we've been doing all this time.' Hermione didn't look up as Snape stopped yelling and she began pacing. 'I mean I knew what we were doing obviously, but I just looked on it as something else to learn. Just information that I had to look at and try to see a different way.'

'Miss Gra – '

'But it wasn't until I saw Katie writhing and screaming that I really understood _what_ I was doing, what you've been teaching me. I'm not just looking at…data, I'm looking at all the lives that have been altered or change or outright destroyed by a madman. I'm looking at _your_ life and what you've sacrificed just to keep our side informed of _his_ inner workings and meetings and all the awful things he does. That his followers do. That _you_ must be forced to do sometimes just to maintain your cover. Just so _he_ can keep getting information.'

'Miss Gr – '

Hermione didn't know when she'd stopped ranting about Voldemort and changed to Dumbledore. 'I'm mean I understand the need for it, but for him to keep asking and asking you to do it. To keep going back to him and _now_ he's asked you to kill him! No thought to what everyone will think afterwards, no thought to what it will do to the Order and least of all what it will do to you to have to kill the only person other than me who even trusts _you_. Not someone who trusts you because _Dumbledore_ trusts you, but someone who trusts you all by yourself.'

'Miss Granger!'

Hermione stopped suddenly as Snape appeared in front of her and grabbed her arms forcing her to a halt. 'Hermione just blinked up at him, her mind still whirling with everything that been building since Katie was cursed.

Snape looked down into her brown eyes with his own black ones. 'Miss Granger you need to calm yourself.'

Hermione frowned. 'I…I don't…' her mind wouldn't stop rushing.

'Use your Occlumency, close your eyes and picture your night sky.'

Hermione closed her eyes and pulled up her sky an endless blanket of inky blackness sprinkled with points of brightness. It only held a moment though before all she could picture were the glittering black eyes she knew were watching her. Hermione wrenched her eyes open and looked at the real thing. 'I can't…I…' Hermione broke off and held back a sob. 'There's so much…'

Snape pushed her towards a chair and knelt before her. 'Calm down, I know you feel like you are breaking down.' Snape hesitated and through her panic Hermione thought he seemed to be wrestling with himself. 'I felt the same way sometimes when I first began my role as spy – '

'But I'm just like a – a researcher, you're on the frontlines. I have less to deal with then you do!'

Snape nodded. 'Yes, but I have had years to refine my role and I chose this. You fell into the role through necessity. And you have things that pushing on you that I don't. I never had to hide my role from friends, I never had any to lie to.' Hermione frowned but didn't interrupt. 'At the moment you most likely feel as though your skin is too tight and you don't know why.'

'Yes that's it exactly.' Before he said it Hermione couldn't have put a name to how she felt, but now it was described exactly. 'It's like my skin has shrunk or…no it's more like I've suddenly grown, all this information has added to me but my skin has stayed the same.'

Snape nodded. 'Yes, but that feeling will pass. You will adjust to your new…skin and this panic will happen less and less.'

Hermione felt her eyes widen. 'You mean I'll have more panic attacks.'

'Most likely, but now you know how to deal with them, you've calmed down haven't you?'

She realised he was right. Her mind wasn't like it usually was but it was no longer whirling and rushing.

'The Occlumency helps.'

Hermione shook her head. 'It wasn't the Occlumency that helped it was – '

Snape looked at her. 'It was what?'

Blushing she shook her head. 'I…uh…I think it was you talking.' Hermione saw Snape tense. 'It's just after all these meetings we've had I've respected you more and more, I trust you and…' Hermione tried to find the right words to explain. 'I think that your voice cut through the noise and helped me realise – on some level – that I was safe.' Hermione broke off and looked at her knees.

For some time Snape just looked at her which made her nervous again.

'At least it worked.' Suddenly he stood up and stepped back. 'You should return to your common room. If you get caught simply tell them you were having a late lesson with me.'

Hermione recognised the dismissal and stood up, moving towards the door. As she opened it she looked back. 'Thank you for helping me.' Hermione left and made her way back to the Gryffindor Tower. After she had made excuses to Harry and Ron and was in bed Hermione lay there thinking. Now that she knew the building rush of her mind was a panic attack she should be able to use her Occlumency to hold it off. Hermione drifted to sleep thinking of a deep voice, strong hands and glittering eyes.

* * *

_Author Note – Okay so I google translated 'Levicorpus' and __technically__ 'Levi' means 'slight' but 'levo' can mean 'raise' so I took some artistic license with the translation._


	3. All The Pretty Girls

_Author Note – Okay to answer a couple of questions – I listed two things Hermione smelled in the Amortentia potion and didn't say the third – I did that on purpose you're supposed to try and figure it out until I reveal it somewhere along the road._

_Also I have Hermione using a wand in her Occlumency lessons for two reasons – first because Snape does that with Harry in OotP and second…well I'll be covering that soon._

_And last question – McGonagall doesn't know exactly what Hermione is doing for the Order but knows she's doing something. Also she is not angry at Hermione but at Dumbledore for involving Hermione. After all she doesn't know what Hermione overheard._

**_EDIT - Thanks to Guest for pointing out that Hermione's birthday was in September. I totally forgot that._**

* * *

**So I call your name, cross my fingers**

**Uncross the others, hesitate**

**I don't think straight with nothing to prove**

…

**Let it be, and come to me with the look in your eyes**

**Will you break and take all the words from my mouth?**

…

**Oh c'mon, oh c'mon, what's a boy to do**

**When all the pretty girls can't measure to you**

* * *

Over the weeks leading up to Christmas, Hermione had not had any more panic attacks. A few times she had found her mind beginning to rush and had sat and gone through her Occlumency techniques. It had helped but Hermione wasn't sure how effective it would be if she didn't use it straight away.

She also noticed that Harry seemed to be beginning to take an interest in Ginny (finally) but was fighting his feelings since she was Ron's sister.

Ron, was just being a berk. After the whole false Felix Felicis thing he had not been talking to her. Which Hermione didn't really mind since he was no longer bugging her to help him with homework when she needed to work on her notes for the Order. Harry had seemed confused by her lack of caring about Ron and Lavender snogging _everywhere_, obviously he had noticed last year that she had been starting to fall for their red headed friend. Now though she wasn't interested and had told Harry as much.

When Ginny noticed that Ron was avoiding Hermione she had taken to sitting next to Hermione since Ron was always wanting to tell her off for snogging Dean. Hermione found she quite enjoyed Ginny's company. The younger girl was funny and would sit talking with Hermione without being bothered if Hermione got caught up in her work and didn't reply for a while. Hermione had seen the youngest Weasley eyeing her Order notes but since Ginny didn't bring it up two things were possible. Either Ginny had thought they were revision notes which was alright, or Ginny realised what they really were and knew talking about it could be bad which was also alright.

Hermione was pushed to fit everything in but managed to spare time to go to Hogsmeade and get presents for everyone. She'd had a bad moment when she had picked up a lovely ornament her Mum would have liked. Hermione had been on her way to the till when she realised what she was doing. Hermione had stood in the middle of the shop for a few minutes, clutching the ornament, wrestling with her emotions. Eventually she had put the ornament down and left the shop, but that night she had cried herself to sleep again.

The next day had been an Occlumency lesson and that had been the first memory Snape had seen when he broke though. To Hermione's surprise he hadn't commented, instead he had simply worked with Hermione on increasing the speed with which she put her barriers in place.

His actions had Hermione dwelling on him even more. She frequently had dreams with him in, dreams in which they were just doing normal things, eating a meal together, walking around the grounds, brewing a potion together it changed every time. Each time Hermione would wake up with a smile on her face.

Hermione knew that her feelings were changing. That she was becoming attracted to the dark haired man, but she refused to acknowledge it. There was no point to how she felt, they were working together – nothing more – and the chances of Snape feeling the same way were not just unlikely but laughable. There was also the fact that he was her teacher and almost twenty years older than her. Hermione wasn't bothered by the age thing, but the teacher thing…there was a kind of 'no way' thing just built into her head. It was from her muggle childhood really, in the wizarding world it wasn't uncommon for large age gaps in relationships. Twenty years didn't matter so much when the couple was eighty and a hundred, longer lifespans did that to your perspective.

Another downer was the fact that both she and Harry were being forced (sort of) to attend Slughorn's Christmas party. He had deliberately put it on a night they could attend, stating that there was no need for them to have lessons or practices on the first day of the holidays. So she had bought a new dress and resigned herself to a few hours of being on show.

* * *

So on the first day of the holidays Hermione enlisted Ginny's help in getting ready.

'If I'm being forced to go to this thing I might as well look good.' Hermione and Ginny were in Hermione's dorm since both Lavender and Parvati had left to go home. Hermione, Harry and the Weasleys would go to the burrow in the morning. 'Besides you're going too, I _know_ Slughorn invited you.'

Ginny was sat on Parvati's bed straightening her hair with her wand. Hermione was sat in just a bathrobe she had a potion on her hair that she had been using for about a year to tame her hair. It was easier than Sleek Easy's, she had to leave it on an extra two hours but it lasted nearly a week instead of a night.

Her and Ginny had spent the two hours going over Charms work and after Hermione washed the potion off her hair Ginny started styling it for her.

'So…how come you aren't bothered about Ron slobbering on Lavender?'

Hermione tensed briefly. Ginny had known last year that Hermione had started falling for Ron.

'I just have different priorities now. Ron is…just not on my list anymore.' Hermione shrugged to feign indifference.

Unfortunately Ginny was smart. 'You mean your…lessons…with Snape.'

Hermione paused she didn't want to lie to Ginny…but how did she balance that with her promise to Dumbledore. Then Hermione remembered what Dumbledore had asked Snape to do.

'Yes, they take a lot of focus, they're important.'

'I thought so.' Ginny was quiet for a few minutes a she used her wand to softly curl Hermione's hair. 'What is he like to work with one on one? Snape I mean.'

'It's great. He's been teaching me Occlumency as well as…the other stuff.'

Ginny laughed. 'So he's not a snarky git then?'

This time Hermione was the one to laugh. 'Oh no, he is definitely still a snarky git as you so aptly described, but…' Hermione wondered how to explain her newfound respect for Snape. '…let's put it this way, before I trusted Snape because Dumbledore trusts him. Now I trust Snape because he's earned it and at the moment I like him more the Dumbledore.'

Ginny curled the last piece of Hermione's hair and moved to look her in the eye. 'You do, really?' Hermione nodded. 'But Snape's so…Snape, and Dumbledore's so…Dumbledore.'

Hermione shook her head. 'I know but, the things Dumbledore…asks…' she broke off hesitantly and looked away with a sigh. 'It's not fair, Snape has already done so much and now…he shouldn't have to be in that position.'

Hermione saw the red head watching her and went to her bedside table and grabbed her small makeup bag.

'You like Snape don't you?'

Tensing slightly Hermione tried to keep her voice casual as she sat back in front of the mirror. 'Of course, I said that already.'

Ginny shook her head. 'You know what I mean Hermione Granger. You _like_ him, like him., don't you?'

Hermione looked at Ginny. '…I…er…_yes_ – fine, yes I do. Now will you do my makeup?'

Ginny gave a shocked laugh and took the makeup bag. 'Good grief. No wonder you aren't bothered about Ron and Lavender.' Ginny gestured for Hermione to close her eyes. 'I don't know what goes on in those lessons Hermione – '

Hermione snapped her eyes open. 'Ginny! Nothing like that – '

'Relax would you? I _meant_ he must be different in some way for you to like him.' Hermione shut her eyes and Ginny started dolling her up. 'You wouldn't like him like that just because you trust him more. So what is it? How did it start?'

Hermione gave a small shrug. 'I'm not sure, I think it was the day Katie was cursed. When I left the common room that night I actually was just going to walk around and somehow I just ended up at his office. I ended up having a panic attic and he calmed me down. He told me when he first started his role as a spy he had the same thing happen to him…he just talked to me and I calmed down. Since then it's been different, for me at least. I doubt anything's different with him.'

'Right lips now. And you don't know that. I'm he didn't throw you out of his office, he took the time to help you. Ah – no talking!' Hermione had been about to object. 'And to help prove my point I'm gonna up the makeup just a touch…big smoky eyes.'

Hermione felt the makeup brush return to her eyes. 'But, but you can't. Ginny I'm not trying to attract a _teacher_!'

'Relax, I'm just giving you big smoky eyes. We just need to see if he'll give you a compliment on how you look, he'd never do that if he didn't at least enjoy your company.' Ginny paused and continued in a sly tone. 'Besides your birthday was is September so you're seventeen already and we both know that because of the time turner you've technically been seventeen for a while.'

'_Ginny!_ You – I – but – '

'Quit spluttering and get you dress on.' Ginny stopped her from looking in the mirror. Dress first, and are you telling me you _haven't_ imagined kissing him?'

Hermione turned away blushing and slipped her dress on. 'I – I – a couple of times but nothing will ever come of it Ginny. He's a _teacher_.'

'Still that doesn't mean – oh wow. You look great.'

Hermione smiled at Ginny's compliment. Her dress was a deep purple colour with a halter neck and fell to her ankles. There was a large swirling pattern stitched in silver on the skirt that caught the light when she moved.

'Really, you think so. Most people wear Christmassy colours at this time of year.'

'You great. Now let me get my dress on and we can go.' Ginny had done her own makeup while Hermione washed her hair and it only took a moment for her to slip her own dress on. Ginny's dress was a deep blue, had thick straps and came to her knees. It also had silver stitching on the skirt.

* * *

Five minutes later Hermione was entering Slughorn's office behind Ginny and her date Dean. The office was tastefully decorated in the usual holiday garb. Wreaths, holly, baubles and…mistletoe…lovely.

Hermione made sure to avoid the mistletoe, just in case somebody had bought some from Fred and George. Apparently theirs was enchanted so you _had_ to kiss whoever you ended up under it with. She wouldn't put it past Ron to get Harry to switch some of it in.

Hermione spent her time hovering at the edge of the room. Smiling at people she knew and trying to avoid Slughorn, which she managed for an hour until…

'Ah, Miss Granger! How lovely!'

Hermione counted to five, plastered a bright – fake – smile on her face and turned around. Slughorn was stood nearby with a tall man.

'Professor Slughorn,' Hermione said the first non-offensive thing that came into her head. 'The decorations are lovely tonight.'

As she walked over to the portly man he beamed at her. 'Thank you, thank you. Now I'd like to introduce you to Zacharias Dawson. He is the Head of the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Dawson this is Hermione Granger, she is most likely the brightest witch to pass through Hogwarts in a long time.'

Hermione held back from rolling her eyes and held out her hand. 'Pleasure to meet you Sir.'

Mr Dawson shook her hand with a smile. 'And you Miss Granger. What subjects are you studying for your…NEWTSs is it?'

'Yes Sir, and I'm studying everything except Divination and Muggle Studies.'

Mr Dawson's eyebrows lifted dramatically. 'You taking _ten_ NEWTs? That's astounding. Most people only take four or five – six at most.'

Hermione shrugged delicately and sipped the glass of pumpkin juice she had. 'I wanted a challenge.'

'Miss Granger here achieved nine Outstanding's and an Exceeds Expectations in her OWLs.' Slughorn said with a smug tone. 'She can identify almost immediately any potion she looks at as well.'

Dawson eyed her speculatively. 'What do you plan on doing with your ten NEWTs then Miss Granger. It seems likely that every Department at the Ministry would be eager to have you, mine included.'

'That's nice of you to say, but given the fact that there's a war on I'm just hoping to survive it.'

Both Dawson and Slughorn looked stunned at her statement and Hermione figured they weren't expecting such a blunt answer.

Slughorn glanced around nervously before brightening. 'Ah Severus!' Hermione tensed as Slughorn drew Snape into the conversation. 'We were just talking about Miss Granger's amazing achievements at Hogwarts. You of course been responsible for her potions grade so far.'

Snape looked exceedingly bored. 'Miss Granger excels in being able to know everything.'

Hermione blushed as Slughorn and Dawson chuckled even though Hermione, and Snape, both knew it wasn't meant as a joke.

'Now, now Severus, you've had a hand in turning Miss Granger into the intelligent and beautiful young witch before us.' Slughorn beamed at her again. 'And you do look stunning tonight Miss Granger. Don't you agree Severus?'

Hermione held her breath, this was the kind of thing Ginny had been talking about earlier. Snape now had the opportunity to either dismiss the compliment or agree with it. Although she would love a compliment from Snape, Hermione knew that the best she could expect was indifference.

'Indeed, you do look…lovely tonight Miss Granger.' Snape said this in a mild tone but Hermione could tell she was bright red.

He had actually complimented her!

'Er…thank you Sir. Professor Slughorn is right though, without your amazing teaching I wouldn't be half as good at potions.' Hermione made herself look up at him. 'After all it takes more than reciting books to be good at potions.'

Hermione thought she saw something flicker in Snape's eyes before he looked away. Her head spinning again Hermione freed herself from the conversation and looked around the room. She spotted a flash of red hair and made for it.

Ginny was dancing with Dean when Hermione interrupted them. 'Er, Dean do you mind if I borrow Ginny for just a moment? Thanks.' Hermione didn't wait for a reply before dragging her friend away to a dark corner.

'Hermione what are you doing?' Ginny said looking at her. 'Why are you so flustered?'

'Because Snape just complimented me.' Hermione said just barely loud enough to be heard over the noise of the party.

'What? He did? How?' Ginny grinned in delight.

'Well Slughorn managed to catch me in a conversation with the Head of the Creatures Department and he brought over Snape as well and congratulated him on being partly responsible for my good potions grade, and then he – Slughorn – said I turned into an intelligent and beautiful young witch and didn't Snape agree. I mean the most I was expecting was indifference but he _actually_ said I loved lookly – I mean looked lovely.' Hermione waited for Ginny's response.

Ginny rolled her eyes. 'If I wasn't used to the way you talk when you're excited I wouldn't have understood a word of that. I mean did you even breath?'

'_Ginny!_ C'mon!'

Ginny laughed. 'Well it was definitely a compliment.'

Hermione felt a massive smile fill her face. 'It was, wasn't it?'

'You really like him, don't you Hermione?' Ginny examined her closely. 'You've never been like this before.'

Hermione shook her head, her smile fading slightly. 'I think – I think I'm falling for him Ginny,' she whispered quietly. 'I can't do that. What do I do?'

Ginny smiled sadly and looked over to where Harry was now stuck with Slughorn. 'If you figure out what to do when you're in love with a guy who doesn't notice, pass the information on would you?'

* * *

After Boxing Day Hermione decided to come back to Hogwarts. Despite Percy's disastrous visit the Burrow still had too much of a holiday atmosphere for Hermione. All the decorations and family traditions and photos everywhere made it hard for her to not break down sobbing.

Plus she needed to talk with Snape. Honestly the man was supposed to be a spy and he couldn't even stop himself from being overheard in corridor? Hermione didn't even bother putting away her cloak and bag before she quickly made her way to Snape's office and banged on his door again.

'Come in.'

Hermione walked in and saw that the Snape was sat at his desk marking assignments. He seemed surprised when he looked up and saw her. 'Miss Granger, I hope you have a good reason for banging on my door in such a way.

Hermione ignored the cool warning and stalked over to his desk. 'You are supposed to be a spy, how come you don't seem to know when you are being overheard?'

Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously and he stood up. 'Miss Granger I suggest you rephrase that and apologise.'

Hermione shook her head. 'No I meant the way I said it. The other night at Slughorn's party Harry overheard you trying to find out Malfoy's plans – now he assumes you're _actually_ trying to help him.' Hermione put her hands on her hips. 'Honestly if _Harry_ could see you who knows who else might have? Although most people don't automatically think your evil, but come on, you could have been more discreet.'

Snape suddenly looked furious and stormed around his desk to stand right in front of her. 'Miss Granger, you will refrain from speaking to me in that manner and from passing comment on how I do my job.'

Hermione heard the dangerous edge to his voice but didn't care. She wasn't risking her life like him, but she was risking every friendship she had. If Dumbledore's plan went through as planned and people thought she knew that Snape was going to kill Dumbledore…she could end up ostracised as well. The thought made her furious as well.

'I'll comment if I want to! We're working together now to try and minimise casualties or negate some of Voldemort's effects or _whatever_. But I'm risking my friendships with everyone here, and if Voldemort finds out what I'm doing I'll be as high on his list as Harry!' Hermione was all but shouting. 'I didn't Obliviate my parents so I could fight without worry just for you to make a rookie mistake!'

'Be quiet you insufferable witch, and don't talk about things you don't understand. You can't comprehend what I've put on the line, you're nothing but a child!'

Snape's eyes were blazing down at her in the most gorgeous way, but Hermione just saw red.

'_Child!_ I'll show you child.' Before she could rethink her actions Hermione grabbed Snape's face and stood on her tiptoes and kissed him smack on the lips.

After a couple of seconds Hermione came to her senses and pulled back. Staggering back slightly Hermione touched her lips with her fingers and gaped at Snape who was just staring at her in shock.

'Oh god.' Hermione turned and fled. Not stopping until she was safely ensconced in her bed with the curtains shut tightly.

What on earth had she been thinking?! Well she hadn't _been_ thinking, that was the problem, she'd just reacted. When he'd called her a child all she'd thought was to show him she wasn't a child. But _kissing_ him? Hermione let out a slightly hysterical laugh. Oh he was going to kill her. He'd string her up or soak her in one of his nasty solutions or chop her up for potions ingredients or…_something_.

But his lips…they had been so soft and warm…

Hermione shook her head. 'No, no, no. Don't think about that. That won't do any good.' Hermione frowned when she realised she was talking to herself. Maybe she had gone mad and had imagined the whole thing? Yeah right, she wasn't that lucky.

Hermione spent a few hours doing intensive studying to keep her mind occupied but she couldn't do that when she was asleep.

She woke up panting at four in the morning after having had a very erotic dream involving dark eyes, soft lips and firm hands. Those hands and lips doing things to her no one had done before.

Hermione wrenched her bed curtains open and resolved to only sleep when she fell down from exhaustion.

* * *

Hermione spent the next week holed up the Gryffindor Tower only leaving to sneak into the kitchens for food. When Ginny and the others returned the day after New Year's, Hermione grabbed Ginny, dragged her into an empty classroom silenced the room and spilled the whole thing out in a rush.

Ginny just looked at her, her mouth hanging open. 'You – you kissed him?'

'Yes.'

'Kissed Snape?'

'Yes.'

'As in…_kissed_ him on the – '

'_Yes_ Ginny. I kissed Snape!' Hermione sank to the floor and put her head in her hands. 'Oh god I kissed Snape.'

Ginny dropped to the floor in front of her. 'What has he said?'

Hermione laughed. 'I haven't seen him since! I've stayed in the tower and just snuck into the kitchens for food. I mean I wasn't going to hang around and let him curse me or string me up or put in in one of his jars or in one of his potions or – '

Ginny put a hand on her mouth. 'Stop it, we've already established that he at the very least accepts the new working relationship you have.'

'But that's a far cry from wanting me to kiss him!' Then Hermione had a horrible thought. 'Oh god Ginny, what will I do if he breaks into my mind during our Occlumency lessons?' Hermione stared in wide eyed horror at her friend. 'He'll see how I feel about him!'

'Maybe you should let him see.'

Hermione came out of her shock. 'Wait, for a moment I thought you said _let_ him see how I feel but you couldn't _possibly_ have said that.'

'Yes I did.'

'_Ginny!_'

'Don't Ginny me. Here's why, one – if he is how you describe him to be at the very least he will respect – but ignore - your feelings.'

Hermione considered that. 'I…suppose that wouldn't be too bad.'

'Second – he makes a sarcastic comment about how you feel…'

Hermione scrunched her nose up. 'That would be worse but bearable.'

Ginny nodded and continued. 'Three – he turns into a git and goes back to treating you like everyone else.' Hermione flinched at the thought of that but said nothing. 'Or in the other direction he might be starting to like you the same way – maybe even return the feelings.'

Hermione felt a glimmer of hope but squashed it. 'That's not very likely Ginny.'

'I think his reaction will be a mix of two options.' Ginny said slowly.

'What two?'

'Well I think based on what you've told me and comparing it to how he is with everyone else…that he is starting to like you back at least on some subconscious level but I think he'll just ignore the whole thing. I mean this is Severus Snape you'd have to drop Hogwarts on him before he'd admit to _anything_ let alone having romantic feelings for a student.'

Hermione sighed and rubbed her tired eyes. 'I suppose at this point in time that's the best possible thing that could happen. The last thing he needs is someone like Rita Skeeter getting a hint of this. It'll just make things worse down the line.'

Hermione looked up and saw Ginny watching her sadly. 'It's something really awful Dumbledore's asked him to do…isn't it?'

The older girl just nodded wearily. 'I understand the reasons behind it Ginny, I really do, but at the same time I can't help but hate Dumbledore for asking it of him.'

Hermione stood up and rubbed the back of her aching neck. Maybe now she'd shared everything she would sleep better.

Ginny stood up and gave her a quick hug. 'So I guess you haven't been sleeping because been stressed out?'

Hermione laughed properly this time. 'Actually there's another reason I haven't been sleeping…'

* * *

Hermione left the Great Hall with Harry and Ron deliberately ignoring Ginny's 'kissy kissy' gesture.

'Why is Ginny doing that to you Hermione?' Harry had apparently seen the red heads supposedly funny action.

'No reason, just ignore her.' They were on their way to Defence and it would be the first time Hermione had come face to face with Snape since she had kissed him. Since she had Ginny, the younger girl had been teasing her and had at one point last night started singing the sitting in a tree song. Thankfully they had been in a quiet corner of the library and nobody had overheard her.

Ron looked back at his sister who was grinning. 'Why, what was she doing?'

'Nothing Ron, just forget it.'

Hermione led the way to the Defence classroom and stood with her shoulders hunched waiting. When the door was flung open she jumped making Harry and Ron look at her weirdly. Following them inside Hermione took a quick glimpse up from her feet and saw that Snape was stood in front of his desk. He wasn't looking at her though, which could be either good or bad.

Hermione sat on the edge of her seat like a tightly coiled spring. Not looking up but listening intently.

When everyone was seated Snape started talking. 'Today will be a practical lesson in accurately casting spells so as to increase your duelling capabilities. You will be partnered off and take turns aiming for the centre of your partners chest – using _silent_ spells. You will only use…'

* * *

Hermione came out of the room at the end of the lesson feeling as though it had been very anti-climactic. Snape had done…nothing, said nothing – not even looked at her – for the whole lesson.

Outside the fifth year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs were waiting to go in. Ginny spotted her and pulled her to one side.

'So?' she whispered, 'what did he do?'

Hermione shook her head. 'Nothing, I think…he might be going to just ignore it.'

Ginny smiled. 'Well that doesn't mean he doesn't – you know.' She made another kissy gesture and then continued in a normal tone. 'Anyway, I'll see you later.'

Hermione nodded and made her way towards Ancient Runes. Well at least he hadn't tried to curse her or anything.

* * *

Hermione was sat eating dinner with Harry and Ron, Ginny was a few seats away with her other friends. Flipping the page of her Runes textbook she didn't notice the first year stood next to her until Harry nudged her.

'Hi, can I help you?' Hermione smiled kindly at the timid Gryffindor.

'Er…Professor Snape asked me to give this to you.' The girl handed Hermione a small roll of parchment and bolted back to the other first years.

Hermione went tense and unrolled it. It was an appointment for another private lesson. Tonight.

Harry looked over her shoulder and scowled. 'Hermione you can't keep doing those private lessons. Snape's evil.'

This served to distract Hermione from her rising panic. 'Oh Harry, we've been over this. You told Dumbledore your suspicions and he still trusts Snape. Would you just let it go already?' Hermione saw Ginny looking at her and she held up the scroll mouthing 'Snape' at her. Ginny's eyes flicked towards the head table and back.

'Harry's right Hermione. Now we know for sure Malfoy's up to something and Snape's helping him.'

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Ron. 'I'm telling you Snape will just have been trying to – '

' – to find out what he's doing. Yeah, yeah.' Ron said dismissively.

Harry scowled again. 'Never mind that. Hermione you can't – '

'Harry Potter, I am not giving up the chance to learn from Professor Snape just because _you_ are convinced he's the source of all evil!' Hermione slammed her book shut and put it back in her bag. She stood up and glared down at her two friends. 'Now I will see you later.'

Hermione stormed out of the Great Hall not looking back.

'Hermione wait!' Hermione stopped in the hallway and found Ginny catching up to her. 'So he's set another meeting up?'

Hermione nodded. 'Yeah, obviously he wants to slaughter me in private.'

Ginny rolled her eyes. 'Would you stop? He's not going to slaughter you, I'm almost positive he – on some level – likes you. Now are you going to let him in your head or not?'

'I don't know,' Hermione shrugged. 'I'm not sure which is best. I don't want to let him in if all he'll do is deride me or mock how I feel. I couldn't take that Ginny.'

Ginny smiled sympathetically. 'Well it's a risk, sure, but if it goes the other way…'

Hermione hugged her bag to her chest. 'You're right, I – I guess I'll let him in then. Oh god I hope he doesn't kill me.'

* * *

Hermione stood outside Snape's dancing lightly from foot to foot. She had been stood there for five minutes trying to make herself knock on his door. It was now exactly the right time for their meeting, if he was in a bad mood and she was late…Hermione quickly, but lightly, knocked and then walked in.

'Miss Granger take a seat and we'll start.' Snape sat down in his usual chair for their Occlumency lessons. 'I hope you have been practicing the more direct method of 'walling off' your mind.' It seemed as though he was going to ignore what happened. Well she could work with that.

Hermione took her seat opposite him and reluctantly met his eye – his amazing black…she stopped that thought dead. 'Er…yes Sir, but I'm not sure how good it's going.'

Just before Christmas Snape had started teaching her how to slam a wall quickly into place in the event that she was suddenly attacked, which was better than using a picture. This would be the first time he would attack her while she put it into practice.

'Very well, prepare yourself and remember do not put your walls in place until _after_ I am inside.' Hermione just nodded and hoped he didn't put her in a jar later. '_Legilimens_.'

As soon as she felt Snape inside her mind Hermione slammed a brick wall in place trying to make it as sturdy as possible. She felt Snape jab at the wall and despite her intense focus he managed to put a 'hole' right through it. Hermione tried to block the hole up but as she did that Snape put another hole somewhere else, and then another, and another.

Although she wanted to let him in Hermione still wanted to do well in the lesson. So she scrambled mentally trying rebuild the wall but suddenly it crumbled completely and he was through.

Snape immediately started searching for an embarrassing memory. Immediately – to Hermione's dismay – he focused on the memory of Hermione talking to Ginny in the dorm room about her liking him. Next was her gushing over his compliment, then kissing him and finally telling Ginny about it.

Snape pulled out of her mind suddenly and stared at her. Hermione knew he would have felt the emotions attached to the memories and just watched him silently. After a minute he was still just staring at her.

Giving up Hermione grabbed her bag and stood up. 'I should go.' She started for the door but was only half way across the room when his voice stopped her.

'Miss Granger, stop.' She stopped but didn't turn. 'I was not – not aware. That is to say I knew you had come to respect me but…'

Hermione felt her shoulders hunch but mustered her courage. 'But not that I had…fallen for you.'

There was silence and then… 'Indeed, but despite your…crush we still – '

Hermione whirled round to face him again, he was stood next to the chairs looking at her. 'This is not some stupid crush. A stupid crush is how a felt about that idiot Lockhart in second year. This…' Hermione waved a hand between them, '…this is more than that. I don't expect anything from you except for our meetings to continue as required.'

Snape looked at her for a moment. 'You are young and this will pass – ' Hermione scoffed but didn't say anything. ' – however we will continue as though that…' he stopped.

'Kiss? Is that the word you're looking for Professor?' Hermione knew she was being a little rude but couldn't help it. His dismissal of her feelings had hurt, no matter how expected it had been. 'It's this thing where two peoples lips meet and – '

'_Yes_ Miss Granger. We will continue as though that _kiss_ had never happened. We will keep going over the information as we have been asked and continue with the Occlumency as well.' Snape took a couple of steps towards her. 'Eventually these…feelings will fade Miss Granger and your life will be better for it.'

Hermione felt tears prickle at her eyes and shook her head. 'With all due respect Sir, my feelings will not fade and my life will be better for that. You're someone worth loving whether you see it or not. Now if you'll excuse me, I think we should continue another time.'

Hermione turned and left without waiting for his response. In the common room she dropped into a seat in the corner, ignoring Harry and Ron who were waving her over from the fireplace. After a minute they came over.

'Hermione did you not see us?' Harry asked as he looked down at her.

'I'm not in the mood for talking tonight Harry, I'm tired.'

Ron chuckled. 'All the extra work catching up to you Hermione?'

'Not now guys, I need to…study.'

Harry frowned. 'How was the lesson with Snape?'

Hermione blinked and felt her heart clench. 'Same as usual Harry, now I think I'm going to study in my room.' Hermione stood up but Harry and Ron didn't let her pass.

'What are you doing in those lessons exactly?' Harry asked quietly. 'You never said what potion you were doing.'

'I uh – ' Hermione couldn't think.

'Hey!' Harry and Ron turned to find Ginny behind them. 'Out the way.' She pushed passed and took Hermione's arm. 'Come on Hermione you said you'd help me with Charms.'

Ginny led Hermione up the stairs to the sixth year dorm before placing her on her bed and warding the door. Lavender and Parvati were downstairs still. Ginny took Hermione's bag from her and put it down before sitting beside her. 'How was it?'

Hermione shook her head. 'He saw every time I've talked to you about him. He thinks – thinks it's just a crush. He said my feelings would fade and I'd be better for it.' Hermione felt a few tears slip out of her eyes.

Ginny rubbed her back. 'What did you say?'

'I said they wouldn't fade and my life would be better for that.' Hermione dropped her head into her hands. 'Oh god Ginny, I'm in love with him. I didn't realise it until he just dismissed my feelings. I'm in love with Snape and he just threw it away.' Hermione started crying and felt Ginny's arms go around her.

'Oh Hermione, I'm sorry.' Ginny held her and let her cry. After a while her tears slowed and then stopped. Which made Ginny speak again. 'At least he's better than Ron.'

Hermione laughed and sat up wiping her eyes with a tissue she conjured. 'Yeah, I suppose.' Hermione vanished the tissue and looked at Ginny. 'What am I going to do Ginny?'

Ginny shrugged. 'You deal with it and carry on living. What else can you do?'

Hermione fell backwards on her bed and looked up at the canopy. Beside her Ginny did the same. 'I guess you're right. So next time we have a meeting I'll just…carry on. Ignore that my heart's breaking and carry on with my job.'

Ginny sighed. 'You're strong Hermione. I couldn't do that, I just have to…but you're working with him and that's harder.'

Hermione took Ginny's hand. 'Don't give up Ginny, I think he's coming around, finally.'

'You think so?' Hermione could hear the hopeful tone in Ginny's voice.

'Yes, I think at the moment he's scared of Ron though.'

Ginny snorted. 'Ron doesn't control who I date. Harry needs to grow a pair.'

Hermione laughed out loud. 'Ginny! Ron's his best friend give him a break.'

'I've gave him five years Hermione. He needs to step up already.' Ginny had a sad edge to her voice now. 'I won't wait forever.'

'You won't have to, I promise. He just needs a push to act, he'll get there.'

* * *

Over the next few months Hermione managed to pretend that everything was fine. The meetings with Snape were harder but she got through them. Hermione spoke as little as possible and got out of his office as quickly as she could. What made it worse was that she'd had no amazing insights into the information Snape was giving her. A couple of times she noticed a small pattern the way the Death Eaters targeted people, but nothing major.

Hermione felt as though there was an edge to their relationship now that hadn't been there before and hated that she had caused it. This pushed her to be better at her Occlumency so that that she was at least doing something right. This was a double edged sword though because when Snape broke though he saw her feelings for him – which had only grown stronger – but on the other hand she could only get better when he put her barriers to the test. It was taking Snape longer to break through each time but when he did he would end up seeing memories of her talking with Ginny about him.

Ginny had become a very close friend, and when she wasn't at Quidditch practice and Hermione wasn't with Snape, they would spend time together. Hermione tried to divide her time between Ginny and Ron and Harry, but with only so much free time they mostly hung out as a group of four. At first Ron had complained about Ginny hanging out with 'his' friends, but when Hermione and Ginny had ignored him and Harry hadn't complained Ron had settled down to just the occasional complaint.

* * *

Then Ron's birthday arrived and Hermione was sat in the Great Hall waiting for the two boys to arrive.

'So how are your meetings going?' Ginny said as she nibbled on a crumpet. 'You seem stressed lately, well more than usual.'

Hermione helped herself to another piece of toast before answering. 'Fine, same as always. He reviews more information, give me any new intel and I say as little as possible. I just wish I could have some sort of breakthrough. You know, prove that I'm of some use.' Hermione changed her mind about the toast and started picking it to pieces instead.

'Hermione you are of use, you'll get a breakthrough eventually and until then would you…' Ginny snatched the mutilated toast away from her, 'would you stop destroying the breakfast. When Ron gets here he'll – '

'Ginny, Hermione!' Colin came running up to them.

Hermione looked at the panting boy. 'What is it Colin?'

'Something's happened to Ron, Professor McGonagall said to send you to the hospital wing.'

Hermione and Ginny didn't wait for Colin to finish and started racing up towards the hospital wing.

* * *

Later Hermione was sat on the sofa next to the fire in the Gryffindor common room. She couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Hermione was upset about Ron obviously, he was one of her best friends, but she was more upset about how desperate Voldemort had made Malfoy. Snape had said Dumbledore was more worried about who would get caught in the crossfire of Malfoy's schemes. Which he seemed right to do. Katie was still in St, Mungo's and now Ron had been poisoned.

All the information she had available to her and she wasn't making use of it. Hermione didn't have much sway over what Malfoy was trying to do or what Snape would be forced to do when Malfoy failed. And it was a matter of when, not if. Malfoy really didn't have much chance of succeeding.

Hermione there staring at the fire until suddenly Harry and Ginny appeared in front of her.

'You okay Hermione?' Harry said peering at her.

Hermione just shook her head.

Ginny nudged Harry aside to crouch in front of Hermione. 'Hey, you okay?'

'My head's whirling Ginny, but I can't…there just so much I should be doing and I'm not.'

Harry shook his head. 'You can let studying slide for one night Hermione.'

Ginny shook her head this time. 'That's not what she means. Have you tried your er…techniques Hermione?'

'I can't focus…I should have worked harder…or longer or…'

Ginny stood and pulled Hermione to her feet. 'Come on I'll get you sorted.'

'Ginny what's wrong with her?' Harry walked towards the portrait hole with them.

'She's having a panic attack Harry, stay here I'll be back soon.'

'Are you sure, I can come with – '

'No, I won't be long.'

Hermione felt herself pulled along and heard Ginny talking beside her but didn't really pay attention.

'I shouldn't have left you alone. I'm not surprised this set you off again. Why did you not come find me or him?'

Hermione shrugged. 'It doesn't matter, I should get my notes, I need to read them again. Maybe I should start from scratch or…'

'Here we are.'

Hermione heard a knock but didn't look up from the floor. '…try maybe sorting them differently…'

'Miss Weasley what…Miss Granger?'

Hermione looked up and saw Snape watching her. 'Maybe we should start from scratch Sir…back to the beginning…'

Hermione saw him look at Ginny. 'What is she talking about Miss Weasley?'

'Sir I think she's talking about your…er meetings, she's been talking like that the hole way from the tower. She's having another panic attic and she won't snap out of it.'

'…after all maybe we missed something…'

'Why bring her here?'

'Sir I know that _you_ know she talks to me, last time she was like this you helped. Please she – '

'…we should read them again…yes that would be best…'

'Leave her here Miss Weasley, and not one word of any of this to _anyone_.'

'No Sir, of course not. Please just help her calm down.'

Hermione heard footsteps fade away and then found herself pulled into Snape's office. Looking down again she saw his long fingers gripping her arm firmly but gently.

'Sit Miss Granger.'

Hermione felt a chair at the back of her legs and sat down. Then she felt warmth wash over her as a fire was lit in the hearth.

'Blasted interfering Weasley. Miss Granger?'

Hermione looked up at him, into his dark eyes. 'Yes Sir?'

'Hmm at least you're responding now. I take it Mr Weasley is the reason for your…meltdown?'

Hermione frowned when Snape's words registered through the whirling in her head. 'What's Ron got to do with anything?'

'If Weasley's mishap is not the cause for your state of mind what is?'

'I uh…' Hermione shook her head and tried to focus on what he was saying to her. 'I haven't done anything.'

Snape frowned at her. 'What do you mean you haven't done anything? With regards to what?'

'Our meetings. What's the point?' Hermione stared into the fire. 'Starting again might be best…a clean slate…go back – '

'Miss Granger.' Snape took hold of her arms. 'You need to focus, or I'll force a Calming Draught down your throat.' Snape looked away with a mutter. 'Don't know why I don't just do that.'

'Because you've been forced to do things and you don't like doing it to others.'

Snape looked back at her. 'Perhaps. Do you feel calmer?'

Hermione shook her head. 'I don't know, my head is still…rushing around. I keep thinking we should get out our notes and – '

'Forget the notes.'

Hermione nodded and dropped her head to her hands. This movement dislodged Snape's hands and he drew back. 'No,' Hermione grabbed his hands. 'Please just hold my arms and keep talking to me. It's the only stopping me from getting our notes out.'

'Miss Granger…'

'Please just talk to me.' Hermione gazed at him, imploring him with her eyes.

Snape sighed and put his hands back. 'What shall I talk about?'

'Anything.' Hermione dropped her head and rubbed her temples.

'Well last night I had the great pleasure of taking twenty points from Gryffindor when I caught two third years out after curfew.' Hermione laughed quietly. 'Today managed to terrorise the Hufflepuff equivalent of Neville Longbottom.' Hermione stopped rubbing her temples but kept her eyes shut, just listening to the sound of his silky voice. 'I might even try to give Potter a detention tomorrow.'

Hermione laughed again. 'I'm sure Harry will love that.'

'Hmm, perhaps I should make it a week's detention then.'

'Please don't he's already convinced you're evil, you'll just add fuel to the fire if you do that.'

Snape smirked when she lifted her head. 'Like I care what that brat thinks of me. Now, what set you off tonight?'

Hermione sighed. 'Voldemort. I hate how desperate he's made Malfoy. If he does kill anyone it won't be Dumbledore. I hate how little progress I've made. I hate how I sit and go over every bit of information you give me and then I realise I'm basically dissecting your life.' Hermione tilted her head and looked closer at him. 'And I hate what you're going to have to do.'

Snape just looked at her. 'I will do what I must. I must be in a position to protect the school as best I can.'

'I know,' Hermione nodded miserably. 'I still hate it though, I wish you didn't have to.'

'As do I.'

Hermione looked at him and mustered her courage. 'Have – have I ruined our working relationship with how I feel?'

Snape stood up and walked away from her.

Hermione went after him and grabbed his arm. 'Please, just answer me.'

'This is not an appropriate conversation for a – '

'Teacher and a student. Yeah, yeah. Do you think I haven't told myself that?' When he didn't turn Hermione walked around to stand in front of him. 'Well I have, every single day since I realised I love you.'

'We cannot discuss this.' Snape was determinedly looking above her head. 'You should return to your common room.'

Hermione narrowed her eyes at the dark man before her. 'Can you give me a good reason why I shouldn't feel the way I do?'

'I am nearly twenty years older than you,' he replied immediately.

'Doesn't count. Magical folk don't have the same stigma attached to age differences. And being my Professor doesn't count. With the way things are going I doubt that Harry, Ron and myself will be returning to Hogwarts next year.' Snape went to say something else. 'And neither does saying I'm not of age. My birthday was in September and to me using the Time Turner in third year I'm technically older than that. Try again.'

'I'm a Death Eater.'

Hermione shook her head. 'Only because you made a mistake when you were younger and you only one now to help the right side. Try again.'

'I've done horrible things, tortured people.'

Hermione shifted slightly closer to him. 'Only because you had to, only to protect your cover. Try again.' She moved again and was almost touching him.

'Because…you should hate me.'

'Nuh uh. We've already established how I feel about you.'

Snape finally looked down at her. 'I'm no good for you.'

Hermione looked into his inky black eyes. 'That's the main thing, isn't it?' Snape gave a brief nod. 'Well sorry, but that doesn't cut it either. You can't decide that for me.' Hermione hesitated for a second and then pulled him down to kiss him again. It was just a very brief brush of lips but she met his eyes again. 'Kiss me…Severus.'

Hermione kissed him again and after a moment he kissed her back. A thrill went through her as he did. It went from the top of her head down to her toes…and _everywhere_ in between. Hermione felt his tongue flick across her lips and opened her mouth to give him access. As the kiss deepened Hermione felt Severus' hands go to her waist.

This was better than Hermione had expected, better than her dreams had ever imagined. But then again her imagination had only one brief kiss to work with, whereas this…this was heaven.

Severus pulled back suddenly and rested his forehead on hers. 'We should not be doing this.'

Hermione chuckled. Since when do you follow the rules if it doesn't suit you?'

He laughed down at her, he actually laughed. 'I take it you're referring to my favouritism?'

Hermione smiled. 'Perhaps,' she licked her lips. 'You sure know how to kiss.'

Severus kissed her again, a thorough toe curling kiss. She clung to the front of his robes and leaned into him. Revelling in being surrounded by the scent of him. In a corner of her mind Hermione recognised the smell as the third thing she had smelled coming from the Amortentia. Even back in the first potions lesson she had apparently been attracted to him.

Maybe she should cook up the potion and see what he smelled from it. Although after today maybe she should brew –

'Antidote!' Hermione wrenched away from the soft lips caressing hers.

Severus frowned at her. 'I'm kissing you and you think of an antidote?'

Hermione grinned but ignored him. She went over to his desk and opened the drawer she knew contained his notes. 'Where is it?' Hermione flipped through the pages of parchment and was surprised to see that Severus used the same organising system as she did.

'Where is what?'

'Ah ha!' Hermione pulled out the bundle to do with last year and flipped through it. 'There last year when Arthur Weasley was bitten by Nagina, Dumbledore asked you to work on an antidote for her venom. Did you ever – '

'I worked on it but the most I could was develop a potion to slow the effects. Without a sample of the venom I couldn't make an antidote.'

Hermione grinned. Okay so if you _had_ a sample you _could _make an antidote?'

'Yes, but the only way to get a sample would be to ask the Dark Lord for it.'

'So ask him.' Hermione laughed at the speechless look on Severus' face. 'Listen, you go to him and say that Dumbledore is starting to lose faith in you and thinks you are deliberately not making an antidote. Ask for a sample saying that you can use it to make a _poison_ to increase the speed at which her venom kills and give it to Dumbledore as an antidote.'

'Why on earth would I do that?'

Hermione beamed at him. 'You wouldn't. You would just _tell_ Voldemort that. Then you _would_ actually use it to make an antidote. Then all the members of the Order can carry a phial of it and be safer.'

Hermione stood and waited. She could see Severus thinking it over in his mind. 'I think…that would work.'

Hermione squealed slightly and kissed him passionately, completely caught up in the moment.

After a few minutes Severus pulled away. 'I must go to Dumbledore and fill him in.' He turned towards the door and then stopped. 'I take it you won't be worrying about your usefulness anymore? This was a brilliant idea.'

Hermione left his office with him but made her way to the Gryffindor Tower separately.

* * *

The common room was empty when she got there. Only Ginny was sat next to the fire where Hermione had been. 'Ginny, hey.'

'Hermione, you're back. How are you feeling?' The younger girl moved over to let Hermione sit next to her.

'I feel…wonderful Ginny.' Hermione leaned against the back of the sofa with a smile.

'Wonderful?' Ginny turned to look at her. 'What do you…oh my god did you…make out with him?' Hermione nodded which made Ginny grin and turn her whole body to face Hermione. 'Well out with it then!'

Hermione turned to face Ginny. 'Well after he'd helped me calm down I asked if I ruined everything with how I feel and he turned away but I stood up and grabbed his arm. He said the conversation wasn't appropriate, and I asked if he could give me a good reason not to feel the way I do.'

Ginny laughed. 'You mean every reason you've argued with yourself over for the past few months?'

'Yes exactly,' Hermione joined in with Ginny's laughter. 'He listed every single one I thought of. So obviously I gave all the things that we came up with that dismissed them...'

'_And_?' Ginny said inching closer as Hermione paused for effect. 'Then what?'

'Well I kissed him really lightly and then pulled back slightly and told him to kiss me.' Hermione sighed with happiness as she remembered the kiss. 'And he did. My god if I knew he kissed like that…I would have acted _way_ before now.'

Suddenly they heard a noise behind them a turned to find Harry tripping down the stairs with a sheepish look on his face.

Hermione jumped up as did Ginny. 'Harry James Potter! Were you eavesdropping on us?'

Harry rubbed his leg that he had apparently bumped. 'Er…I…maybe?'

Ginny scowled at him. 'How could you spy on us?'

Hermione was more worried about _what_ he had heard. 'Never mind that. _What_ did you hear?'

Harry blushed. 'Er…from where Ginny asked if you made out with him.'

'That's everything!' Hermione said raising her voice.

Harry closer to them holding his hands out in apology. 'I'm sorry, it's just when I heard that, I was curious. You never said you had a boyfriend.' Harry rubbed the back of his neck like he did when he was uncomfortable. 'So er…who is it?'

Ginny made a scoffing noise. 'Why should we tell you?'

'Oh come on, I wouldn't ask but you said he thought the conversation was inappropriate.' Hermione froze, she had forgotten she'd said that. Harry came to stand next to her. 'Is he…is he a Slytherin?'

Oh thank god. That was the first thought Hermione had. In the corner of her eye she saw Ginny relax slightly. 'Er…Harry…'

'Oh my god. He is isn't he?' Harry suddenly glared at her. 'It isn't Malfoy is it?'

Hermione and Ginny both burst out laughing. After a couple of minutes Harry started grumbling at them.

'Okay, okay, so it isn't Malfoy. Who is it then?'

Hermione stopped laughing and looked at her friend. 'I…can't tell you Harry. We're not…we aren't…it's really complicated Harry. We can't tell anyone.'

Surprisingly Harry nodded. 'I guess his family wouldn't like him dating a muggle-born Gryffindor then?'

'Not…exactly, no.' Hermione meant this to mean that Harry wasn't exactly right. However Harry would take it as meaning her 'boyfriend's' family didn't exactly approve.

'He doesn't…you know…hurt you does he?' Harry asked, with a serious look in his eyes.

Hermione shook her head. 'Harry do you really think I'd be with someone who hurt me?'

He just shrugged. 'I had to ask, didn't I?'

Hermione walked over to him and hugged him. 'That's why I love you Harry.' Hermione pulled back and looked at him. 'Now don't mention this to anyone. We need to keep this quiet.'

She got a scrunch nosed look aimed at her. 'Even from Ron?'

'For now, Ron has a tendency to…blab. And with the way things are it would be _very_ dangerous for er..._him_ if we were found out.'

'He's not a Death Eater is he?'

'No Harry, he isn't.' Hermione saw Ginny twitch slightly. 'Now I'm going to bed. Ginny I need to tell you something else in the morning.'

Ginny nodded at her. 'Sure, I'll see you in the morning.'

'Wait,' Harry said as Hermione headed for the stairs. 'What else? You didn't tell me everything?'

Hermione laughed. 'Harry, girls will never tell you everything. We'll always have secrets of some kind, even if it's just what new dress we're going to buy.'

'What?'

'Night Harry.'

Hermione all but floated up the stairs. Feeling as though, despite Ron's accident, her life had taken a turn for the better. She lay awake in bed for a while remembering every moment of the kisses she had shared with Severus, and he was Severus now. He sure hadn't complained about it anyway.

Hermione drifted to sleep thinking of firm hands, dark eyes and soft lips.

* * *

_Author Note – OMG I wrote about 5000 words of this in a few hours! This is the opportunity that felt the right place to end the chapter. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and let me know what you think._

_Ely_


	4. Take Your Time (Coming Home)

_Author Note - This chapter borderlines between T and M ratings. It mentions more M rated material but not in any detail._

* * *

**How did I find love and conquer all of my fears?**

**...**

**It's a beautiful thing when you love somebody**

**And I love somebody**

**Yeah I love somebody**

**...**

**So come on with me, sing along with me**

**Let the wind catch your feet**

**If you love somebody**

**You'd better let them know**

* * *

Over the next couple of weeks Hermione fluctuated between being unbelievably happy and completely irritated.

Her lessons and meetings with Snape went on much as normal except now they were more at ease with each other. During brainstorming sessions they sat closer than before and every so often Severus would touch her shoulder or stroke her hand as though marvelling at the fact that he could actually touch her. Their sessions always ended with them kissing goodbye before she left. This served to leave her on a high that lasted all day…or at least until Harry did something that annoyed her.

Hermione found it utterly frustrating that Harry was not putting more into getting the memory from Slughorn. When Kreacher and Dobby turned up in the common and the boys explained what the elves had been doing Hermione almost had a fit. Hermione was not as vocal about her displeasure as she normally would have been, but this was only because Harry had kept his promise and not mentioned what he'd overheard to Ron. Another upside though was that Severus had been given the venom and had started on the antidote.

This up and down state of affairs continued right up until the twenty first of April when Harry got a note from Hagrid. At first Harry had been all for going to Hagrid's after curfew until she, and surprisingly Ron, had talked him out of it. Although she didn't quite believe that he would really drop the subject as easily as he did, Hermione was distracted when the bell rang indicating it was time for them to make their way to Hogsmeade for the apparition test.

Later as they made their way back to the common room, Hermione couldn't help but feel sorry for Ron who was walking beside her in a stormy silence. Really _half_ an eyebrow? She supposed it was the rules that there could be absolutely no splinching for them to pass but still…_half_ an eyebrow? Hermione joined Harry in deriding the examiner purely to cheer Ron up. It seemed to work since Ron was no longer scowling when they returned to the common room after dinner.

While Harry went to fetch the Liquid Luck, Hermione wondered why he had been so reluctant to use it. She'd noticed him glance at Ron uneasily and wondered if he was further into liking Ginny than she had suspected. Hermione quietly sighed at the romanticism of Harry's reticence. He wanted to use the liquid luck to make sure Ron was okay with him liking Ginny. Hermione wondered if she could get some for when she revealed her relationship with Severus to the pair of them. She briefly amused herself imagining Harry and Ron smiling at the news before refocusing when Harry came back to the common room.

'Okay, I'll take a little bit and then give you it to put away Hermione. That way if I do something stupid the leftovers don't get lost.'

Hermione nodded and watched as Harry took a sip. She accepted the small bottle from him and watched him carefully. 'What does it feel like?' She whispered, mindful of the other students in the common room.

An almost…disturbing…grin formed on Harry's face and he stood up. 'Excellent. Really excellent. Right…I'm off to Hagrid's.'

Hermione's jaw dropped. 'No, Harry – you've got to go see Slughorn, remember?'

Harry shook his head slightly, stir wearing that weird grin. 'No. I'm going to Hagrid's, I've got a good feeling about going to Hagrid's.'

Ron exchanged a stunned with her before looking back at Harry who was looking in his bag. 'You've got a good feeling about burying a giant spider?'

Harry had now found his invisibility cloak. 'Yeah, I feel like it's the place to be tonight, you know what I mean?' Harry looked at them both, clearly expecting their agreement.

'No,' she said at the same time as Ron.

Hermione then glanced at the small bottle in her hand. 'This is Felix Felicis, I suppose? You haven't mixed it up with a little bottle of – I don't know – '

'Essence of Insanity?' Ron suggested as Harry put the cloak over his shoulders.

Harry laughed, which only made Hermione more worried. Did Felix Felicis have a shelf life?

Harry grinned at them again. 'Don't worry, I know what I'm doing…or at least…Felix does.' Harry lifted the cloak over his head and made for the portrait hole.

Hermione scrambled after him with Ron when the portrait swing open. Just as they got there though Lavender was just coming in.

Lavender saw Hermione with Ron and started shrieking. 'Where are you going at this time with _her_?'

As Hermione rolled her eyes at Lavender's histrionics she saw torch in the hallway flicker and knew that Harry was taking his chance to escape them.

Ron started spluttering beside her. 'I – well we – Harry was – '

'I don't see _Harry_ sneaking off with her!' Lavender folded her arms and glared at Hermione.

Hermione was tempted to just push past and try to catch up with Harry but decided to make the effort to help Ron. 'Lavender, nothing is going on. We were just going to look for Harry.'

Lavender snorted in the most undignified way. 'Yeah right. Why go looking for him, he'll be back soon it's nearly curfew. You two were – '

'What Lavender?' Hermione said cutting through the other girl's tirade. 'What were we doing? Sneaking off to make out? Going to the kitchens for a _romantic_ snack?' Hermione knew exactly what Lavender was thinking. 'Just because you're an insecure harpy does not mean I am out to steal your boyfriend.'

Lavender shrieked a little. 'Yes you are! Why wouldn't you be? Now he's on the Quidditch team and he's all interesting since his birthday – '

'Interesting?' Ron said looking shocked. 'I was poisoned and almost died!'

Lavender tried to look contrite and stroked Ron's arm. 'That's what I meant Won-Won. She just made me upset.'

Ron looked disgusted and pulled his arm away from her. 'No you _meant_ interesting. I've had enough of your pettiness Lavender. We're through.' Ron stormed away and went up to the boys dormitory.

Lavender watched him stunned and then turned on Hermione. '_You did this!_' She shrieked again. 'This is all your fault. I guess you're happy now? You can have him all to yourself now!'

Hermione rubbed her temple and tried to stay calm, slinging hexes would not help. 'Lavender, I told, I'm not interested in Ron. He's like a brother.'

Lavender laughed at Hermione. 'Yeah right. Of course you want him, it's not like anyone else is lining up to snog you. You're nothing but a geeky bookworm!'

Hermione felt her temper snap and stomped towards Lavender furiously. She felt a flash of pleasure when the other girl stepped back slightly. 'For the last time I don't _want_ Ron. Nor do I _need_ him to _snog_ me as you so delicately put it.' Hermione knew she should stop but Lavender's insults had hit a little close to home and she wanted to strike back. 'I actually _have_ someone that cares for me.'

Hermione realised what she said and noticed that a few people in the common room were now looking at her with interest. Mentally cursing herself Hermione looked at Ron who looked as surprised as his bitchy girlfriend. Not wanting to explain her outburst to Ron in front of everyone Hermione turned and went up to her dormitory. Parvati was there getting ready for bed, but Hermione ignored her. She grabbed her nightie and the Advanced Runes textbook she was reading and got into bed, shutting the curtains around her. As she changed Hermione felt her anger slowly slip away.

Great now Ron would want to know why she hadn't told him. Then he would find out that Harry already knew and get put out that he knew first.

Hermione stopped in the process of sliding under the covers. What was Severus going to say when he heard the gossip at breakfast tomorrow? Hermione cringed and decided to leave that for tomorrow as well. Hopefully Harry would somehow end up where he needed to be and get the memory. Yes, she would focus on that, not on the very likely chew out she could expect from Severus.

* * *

In Charms the next day Harry told Ron and Hermione about everything that had happened after he left the tower. Hermione was astounded at the way the potion had worked and wondered if it induced a mild sort of Seer ability temporarily. If Hermione didn't dislike Trelawney so much she would ask her…perhaps she should ask Severus instead he might know. She couldn't ask Slughorn he would know Harry had taken the potion then and want to know why, but Hermione could tell Severus that Harry had used it as part of one of his lessons. Maybe it would distract him from being annoyed with her.

After Charms the three of them took a walk down to the lake. Ron had suggested it and she knew why. He had wanted to talk about her outburst during class but she had refused saying that it wasn't private enough.

Near the lake they dropped under a tree and Ron looked at her. 'Alright Hermione, out with it. Who's the boyfriend?'

'You finally told him?' Harry asked with a slight smile. He had been slightly late for class having slept in and hadn't heard Ron ask her in class.

Ron whirled to face Harry as Hermione cringed. '_You_ knew?' Ron scowled at her. 'I guess I was the only one who didn't know. I'm not important enough to know when my best friend is dating.

Hermione scowled back at him. 'Nobody knew except Ginny. _Harry_ decided to eavesdrop on us talking. Besides when have I had the chance to tell you anything? You've been pretty much lip locked with Lavender.'

Ron had the courtesy to blush. 'Alright I suppose so. So tell me who is he then?'

Harry shook his head. 'I don't know, she won't tell me. Well except for the fact that he's a Slytherin.'

'YOU'RE DATING A SLYTHERIN!' Ron roared at her startling the birds from the nearby trees.

Hermione sighed, at least Harry had been half way mature about it. 'Yes Ronald, but do try not to deafen us.'

'But you're dating a slimy Snake! How is this not all over the school?'

'Because you idiot, I don't want my private life to be everyone else's entertainment. _I_ have been discreet.'

Ron scowled again at the mention of his PDA's with Lavender. 'Fine, but how come you won't tell us? Does _Ginny_ know who he is?'

'Of course she does. _She _can keep her mouth shut.' Hermione was starting to get annoyed at Ron's childish behaviour.

Harry interrupted evidently noticing her growing temper. 'Ron it wouldn't be safe for them if people knew. Can you imagine what _his_ family would do to him if they knew he was dating a muggle-born? Even if he's from a more neutral family most of them still believe in blood-purity.'

Ron finally seemed to understand Hermione's secrecy. 'Oh, I suppose they wouldn't be too happy. Alright, I'm sorry I kicked off.' Hermione nodded happily accepting his apology. 'He doesn't hurt you does he?'

Hermione sighed but smiled. They might be hung up on house prejudices but at least she knew they cared about her.

* * *

Over the next few weeks a few things changed. Ron had dumped Lavender after her display in the common room and Ginny had dumped Dean, apparently he had kept helping her in and out of the portrait hole. Hermione knew that while Ginny had enjoyed having boyfriends a large part of her was still waiting for Harry to wake up. On that note Hermione had spotted Harry watching Ginny more than a few times when he thought nobody was looking. Hermione was pretty certain that the only thing holding him back was Ron's reaction.

And on the note of reactions…Severus had indeed heard the rumours of Hermione having a boyfriend. Thankfully he had not been as insulting as to think the rumours were about someone else she was going with. Severus had been very annoyed with her until she had explained the circumstances. He had still been annoyed, but he understood her reaction. Hermione had gotten him to calm down when she explained that Harry and Ron both thought he was a Slytherin who couldn't admit to the relationship because of his family. Severus had snorted and called them dunces.

Hermione had watched Severus brewing a few times and found that she could easily lose track of time watching him work. She found herself watching his hands as they cut ingredients and stirred potions.

A few days before the last Quidditch match of the year Hermione had skipped dinner to go to Severus' private lab and watch him as he worked on the antidote. He was trying to make it as potent as possible so that the Order members would only need to carry a very small phial of it, thus decreasing the chances that it would be noticed and taken from them if it was for some reason discovered to be a true antidote instead of a fake.

Hermione was sat on a stool watching Severus and his magical hands. So far they hadn't progressed very far beyond intense kisses but Hermione found that she was wanting more from him lately. She didn't want to make Severus change his mind about being with her though so Hermione was reluctant to say anything. Watching his hands however…Hermione bit her lip as she felt a now familiar heat pool in her belly. Her dreams had gotten more and more erotic lately and Hermione frequently woke up covered in sweat and aching for her dark potions master. Hermione had taken to settling her frustrations herself but it only helped for a while.

Now she watched as Severus made the last few stirs to this batch of antidote. He swirled the glass rod through the potion in a way that made her wonder if he could do the same thing with his tongue. He then set the flame beneath the cauldron to a heat to make the potion simmer for the required ten minutes.

Severus looked up and Hermione blushed at being caught watching him…again.

'Why do you enjoy watching me so brew so much?' Severus asked walking over to her.

Hermione blushed further and as he came closer. The smell of him swirled around her and had her simmering even more than the potion. 'I just do. The way you move your hands is…' Hermione wondered what word she could use instead of erotic, 'extremely…interesting.' Wow such vocabulary, Hermione thought to herself sarcastically.

Severus moved to stand _right_ in front of her crowding her with his presence. 'I don't believe that was the word you were thinking of…Hermione.'

Hermione bit her lip again, the way he said her name…'I uh…no it wasn't.' Severus raised an eyebrow at her inquiringly. 'I was going to say…' Hermione drifted off and looked at his lips again. 'Screw it, I'll show you what I was thinking.'

Hermione grabbed the front of his robes and pulled his lips down to meet hers. After a moment he began kissing her back enthusiastically. Hermione moaned into his mouth as his hands grabbed her waist and his thumbs rubbed across her stomach. This man was sex on legs.

Severus pulled back after a couple of minutes making her groan in disappointment. 'We should stop.'

Hermione shook her head and kept hold of his robes. 'No, I am done with holding back. Now kiss me Severus Snape before I hex you.'

Severus looked at her and for a moment Hermione thought he would walk away again. Then he grabbed her waist and lifted her from the stool she was perched on. With a grin Hermione wrapped her legs around his waist, ignoring the fact that the movement made her skirt ride up.

As they resumed their kissing Severus perched Hermione on the countertop behind her, but stepped closer so she could feel that she wasn't the only one who was turned on at the moment. Hermione moaned into his mouth again and clung to him.

Severus moved his hands up her ribs and his thumbs slowly brushed across the underside of her breasts. Hermione pressed herself closer to him put one of her own hands in his silky hair and massaged the back of his neck.

Severus groaned and they both started caressing each other everywhere. One of Severus' hands slipped lower, beneath the skirt gathered at her hips and few minutes later, with all clothes still in position Hermione clung to Severus panting. His arms were now around her, his chin resting on the top of her head.

Hermione felt her heart rate slowly go back to normal and sat on the countertop grinning into Severus robes. That was so much better when it wasn't just her. Hermione realised that part of Severus was still…active, and looked up at him. 'Severus do you want…would you like me to…return the…'

Severus shook his head and kissed her briefly. 'No, I think, we should not go any further today.' He glanced over his shoulder. 'Besides I need to take the potion off the heat in a minute and then go see Dumbledore.'

Hermione nodded, accepting his new boundary line. 'Okay, I should probably get back to the common room anyway.' She slipped off the counter and sorted her clothes. Reaching up she took hold of his chin and gave him a soft, loving kiss. 'Thank you Severus. I'll see you at our next meeting.' Hermione turned and left with a smile on her face. She chuckled to herself slightly as she wondered at the changes in the last year. If anyone had told her last year that this year she would be in love with Severus and making out with him and been given a _lot_ of pleasure from his fingers, Hermione would have carted them off to St. Mungo's.

* * *

A few days later Hermione was beaming for the first time since Harry had nearly killed Malfoy. In the middle of the common room Harry was, finally, giving Ginny a thorough snog. Hermione was slightly surprised when Ron just shrugged in their direction.

As they slowly moved towards June, Hermione made the others start studying, but for some reason she didn't feel the same sense of urgency she'd had as in previous years. Hermione had wondered if it was due to her meetings with Snape, making her put things into perspective.

She was a little miffed that he made Harry's detentions so long, partly because – although Harry deserved the punishment – it didn't give him and Ginny much alone time together. Also it meant that Hermione and Severus no longer had meetings on Saturdays. This cut down _their_ time together. Ron however was spending less time in the common room, he had started spending a lot of time with Hannah Abbot from Hufflepuff. Hermione had been surprised but Hannah and Ron seemed to really enjoy being together.

On a happier note they had tested the antidote on the venom from Nagini and it was highly effective. It wouldn't deal with any tearing done by the snake's attacks but at least the venom could be dealt with. This happy result had led to another round of heavy, intense, _pleasurable_ making out. Severus would still not let Hermione reciprocate and give him the same pleasure he was giving her. Hermione worried that he might not want her to touch him but he had kissed her fears away saying that he did not trust himself to not take things too far if she touched him. Hermione had accepted this as his desire for her was evident every time he was close to her.

* * *

When they reached the end of June Harry got another scroll from Dumbledore. Hermione and Ron were sat in a corner of the common room discussing if Dumbledore might have found a Horcrux when Harry came barrelling back in. He looked less than happy.

'What did Dumbledore want?' Hermione asked but didn't get a reply. 'Harry are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' he replied without stopping. Harry disappeared towards the boys dormitory and reappeared less than a minute later skidding to a halt in front of them. 'I haven't got much time. Dumbledore thinks I'm getting my invisibility cloak. Listen…'

Hermione sat and gaped at Harry as he told them what Dumbledore had said. Hermione couldn't believe Dumbledore had told Harry to _leave_ him if he said to. Did he have no idea of what that would do to Harry? Did he care?

Then Harry started on about Malfoy and the Room of Requirement again. Hermione went to interrupt him but Harry stopped her.

'No Hermione – I _know_ it was Malfoy, and now Dumbledore is going to be out of the castle. It won't matter what protections Dumbledore has in place, Snape knows about them.'

'But Dumbledore trusts – '

'_Snape_ is the one who told Voldemort about the prophecy! _He's_ the one who got my parents killed!'

Hermione froze in shock. She knew about that, Severus had told her while he was going over everything from the first war. 'But how do you - ?'

Harry shook his head. 'I don't have time right now. Here – ' Harry thrust the map at her and handed Ron a pair of old socks. 'Use the map to keep track of Malfoy and Snape.

Ron looked down at the socks. 'Er…why do I need socks?'

'The Felix Felicis is inside. Use it on you two and Ginny – '

'But you need it more than us mate.' Ron said trying to give Harry the rolled up socks back.

'No, I'll have Dumbledore. We don't know what Malfoy has planned. I've got to go.' Harry raced out and left them sitting there.

Ron looked at her. 'What do we do?'

Hermione looked at him for a second and then shook herself. She quickly activated the map and saw Harry's dot running towards Dumbledore's and then they both headed toward the main gate. 'Okay well Snape's in his office.' Hermione thought of the gift she had hidden in her trunk. 'I'll go and get him talking about my…lessons.'

'That's too risky.' Ron said with a shake of his head.

'Well it's the best option. If we sent someone to stand around outside his office it would look suspicious.'

Ron frowned for a minute. 'You're right, just be careful. Okay I'll go find Ginny and the others. Maybe Hannah will want to help…hey what about your boyfriend?' Ron looked up from the map in excitement. 'Maybe he could keep watch in the Slytherin common room.'

Hermione tried to find a way to get out of this suggestion. 'Er…it would be too dangerous. If the others who are loyal to Voldemort realised what he was doing, he'd be killed…I can't risk him like that Ron.'

Ron peered at her, making her shift nervously. 'You _really_ like him don't you?'

Hermione was surprised at Ron's astuteness. 'Yes Ron. I love him, I'll always love him, and he loves me.' They hadn't actually said it but Hermione knew Severus felt the same way she did.

Ron nodded. 'Okay, that's good enough for me.'

Hermione beamed at her friend. 'Okay, I just need to grab something from my trunk and then I'll go to Snape.'

She ran upstairs and opened her trunk. Grabbing a small package in the corner she unwrapped it. Hermione looked down at the two pieces of slate in her hand. She had spent hours in the dead of night enchanting them. They were about the size of a small notebook and were probably the most precious thing she had. Hermione had enchanted them to act the same way as the galleons the DA had used last year. These had two way communication though, and also had unbreakable and notice-me-not charms on them.

Hermione shut her trunk and ran downstairs, waving at Ron as she passed Hermione quickly made her way to Severus' office. When she got there Hermione knocked in case someone had joined him in the time it took her to get there.

'Enter.'

Hermione walked in and looked around. Shutting the door she walked over to his desk. 'Professor may I discuss something with you _privately_.'

Severus looked at her curiously and then waved his wand. 'There, now we cannot be eavesdropped on. What do you need Hermione?'

'Hermione quickly walked around the desk to stand next to him. 'Dumbledore just left with Harry to do something – don't interrupt – on his way to meet Dumbledore Harry met Trelawney who had overheard Malfoy in the Room of Requirement. He was celebrating something or excited about something. Whatever his plan is it's working. When he finds out Dumbledore isn't here he'll put it into action. You need to be prepared in case he brings Death Eaters here or something – '

'Hermione how could he do that?'

Hermione shook her head. 'I don't know, I'm just guessing. But that's not what I need to talk to you about anyway.'

Severus lifted an eyebrow at her. 'It's not?'

'No – well yes, but I also wanted to give you this.' Hermione handed him one of the slates. 'These are paired and we can use them to talk to each other. They've also got unbreakable and notice-me-not charms on them. Give me your arm.' Hermione took his arm and waved her wand over his sleeve. 'There I've made a small undetectable pocket to put it in. You'll have to do it to your other clothes yourself but I'm sure you can – '

Suddenly Severus was standing and kissing her fiercely, stopping her nervous babbling. After a minute he pulled back. 'There, now tell me what has you so scared.'

Hermione shut her eyes to try and fight of another round of babbling. 'I'm terrified, something awful is going to happen tonight, I know it.'

'I thought you didn't put any stock in Divination?' Severus said making her eyes snap open.

She swatted his arm when she saw his smirk. 'I don't. Logically this is Malfoy's best chance to do whatever he's planning. But what terrifies me most is this gut feeling I have…'

Severus stroked her arms when she stopped. 'What is your gut telling you?'

'Hermione looked up at the man she loved and lifted a hand to touch his face. 'It's telling me that tonight…tonight is the night that you'll have to…do what we've been dreading.'

Severus simply looked at her for a moment, his eyes glittering in the light. 'Then we must prepare ourselves. This will most likely be the last chance we have to talk face to face for some time.'

Hermione nodded and felt a tear slip from the corner of her eye. 'I know.' She reached up and kissed him again.

For a few minutes they simply lost themselves in each other. Drinking in every second of their kisses, every second of the other's arms around them. Memorising the smells and touches. Taking in everything they possibly could.

Eventually they just stood there holding each other.

Severus broke the silence first. 'We should go over our notes or something…just in case someone comes in.'

Hermione nodded and reluctantly pulled away. 'You're right. I told Ron I would keep an eye on you by getting you talking about our 'lessons'.

Severus smirked again. 'Well I would hate to make you a liar.'

* * *

Later Hermione was stood in the hospital wing watching everyone else as they watched Bill. She watched everything with a slight detachment; making her wonder if she was in shock. Hermione was just waiting. Waiting for what her gut was telling her was coming.

Just then the door to the hospital wing opened and Harry was lead in by Ginny. One look at his face, at his eyes, and Hermione knew. Dumbledore was dead, Severus had done it.

Hermione ran to Harry and hugged him. 'Are you alright Harry?'

Harry looked past her to Bill's bed. 'I'm fine…how's Bill?

Hermione let him walk past her so he could get closer. She sat on a nearby chair and listened as Ginny told the others that Dumbledore was dead. Then Harry told them that Severus had killed him and Hermione clapped her hands to her mouth to hold back her cries. Hermione felt her heart clench as she thought of how Severus must feel now.

Suddenly Ginny shushed everyone and as they fell silent Hermione heard the most haunting sounds echo across the grounds. Fawkes was singing out his grief for Dumbledore. After a while the song faded and Hermione realised she had tears streaming down her face.

When Professor McGonagall came in and everyone was brought up to speed on everything Hermione tuned out. She wondered what Severus was doing right now. Most likely reporting to Voldemort, that had been what was planned anyway. Protect Malfoy, kill Dumbledore, go to Voldemort. Voldemort was most likely cackling with glee.

'Hermione?'

Hermione jumped and realised everyone was looking at her. 'Sorry what?'

Harry spoke again. 'You were watching Snape?'

'Yes, I uh…we were going over the notes for my…lessons.'

'Miss Granger there is little point to hiding things now.' Professor McGonagall said wearily from a chair before looking at everyone else. 'All this year Miss Granger has been doing work for the order with…Snape. I'm not sure but I think she had something to do with the antidote to Nagini's venom.

Everyone turned and stared at her in shock.

Harry was the first to speak. 'Hermione, you've been _working_ with him? Why didn't you tell us?'

Hermione shook her head. 'I couldn't Harry, only me, Snape and Du-Dumbledore knew what we were doing. Professor McGonagall knew I was doing something but not what.'

Lupin spoke up from the corner. 'I think in light of everything, you should tell us now Hermione.'

Shaking her head Hermione wiped away her tears. 'No,' she said firmly. 'The Headmaster – we – we prepared for all possibilities. Not once did we decide to reveal my work with Snape. It's too risky.'

'Miss Granger, I must insist – '

'I'm sorry Professor, but no. Dumbledore told me once that I knew more about his plans than anyone. He trusted me to keep those plans secret and safe. I won't let him down now.'

Another arrival in the form of Mr and Mrs Weasley and Fleur distracted everyone from Hermione, which she was grateful for.

While everyone was distracted Hermione slipped her slate from the hidden pocket on her jeans and tapped her wand on it. A message appeared briefly before disappearing to Severus' slate. It would wait there until he had the chance to read it. Hermione only hoped it would give him the strength he needed to deal with the aftermath of Dumbledore's plan. The message simply said –

_I still love you._

* * *

_Author Note – I know in the books that Harry, Ron and Hermione all go up to the boy's dorm when he takes the Luck potion but it worked better for my story this way._

_Also big thanks to my new awesomest beta – Ava Demski!_


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